


Bloom

by silverbyuns



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-05-31 07:49:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19421632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverbyuns/pseuds/silverbyuns
Summary: All Jongin wants to do is complete his job and go about his day. However, when he meets Sehun, who is the most stubborn customer he's ever known, he knows that nothing is ever that easy. A bitter past, an adamant ex, and a twisted history all eventually come to catch up with them, and Jongin realises that his life and Sehun's might be more intertwined that he expected.





	1. part one

Jongin loves spring. 

Sure, he has to be more careful because he, as Baekhyun likes to put it, is a delicate flower, which means he is soft; and by  _ soft, _ it means he is easily susceptible to allergies which spring  _ will _ bring him. Yet, Jongin loves spring the most because he loves seeing the flowers bloom, the skies clear, the people happy.

He loves flowers. He even works as the delivery boy for the most famous, the most talented florist in town, Mrs Jay. Mrs Jay’s expertise and distinct style in flower arrangement makes her known among the people in this quaint town, so people often go to her to get the most beautiful flowers. Hence, it is no wonder that the orders pour in like crazy during spring, making the season their busiest every year.

However, Jongin doesn’t mind working harder because he loves doing what he does. Although his routine this week has been nothing but him going to class and straight to work afterwards, he manages to persevere. He is tired, but the smiles on people’s faces when they get their flowers makes everything worth it.

Today’s no different. He goes straight to work after class, makes the deliveries one by one from noon to evening. When it’s the evening and the store is closing, Jongin is left with just one flower bouquet to send.

Just one more bouquet before he’s off for the day. 

His stomach rumbles, reminding him that he hasn’t eaten lunch because he’s busy delivering flowers. Normally, this would get to him a little because he’s grumpy when he’s hungry, but the thought of meeting Jongdae and Baekhyun after this gives him strength. They were going to stuff their faces with pizza and soda, like they always do after a long week, and Jongin can’t wait.

He looks at the sheet.

The last bouquet of flowers is for a man named Sehun. 

Looking at the address, Jongin can tell right away that Sehun’s apartment is in the posh neighbourhood located a little far from the heart of the town. Jongin’s been there a few times to deliver some flowers but he doesn’t go there often because Mrs Jay doesn’t take orders from there often. Still, as Jongin’s been to the neighbourhood before, so he won’t have any problem navigating through it.

He looks at the bouquet that he’s supposed to send and reminds himself to be careful with it because Mrs Jay would have his head for dinner if he messes this up. Jongin doesn’t have any intention on messing up either because he’s met the sender of the bouquet and he liked him. Earlier in the afternoon, when he’s about to go out to complete deliveries, Mrs Jay called his name and handed him the bouquet and the new address sheet. The sender, whose name is Chanyeol, followed Mrs Jay closely from behind and gave Jongin a sheepish smile before apologizing for being such a nuisance.

Such a sweet boy, Jongin thought. Jongin liked him.

Chanyeol then explained that he was trying to win Sehun’s heart with the flowers. Jongin loves the story of courting, and he loves being a part of it, so he doesn’t mind the last minute addition at all.

When Jongin reaches Sehun’s door, he rings the bell. It takes Sehun a while to open the door, but when he finally opens the door and faces Jongin, Jongin feels like all air is knocked out of his lungs.

Standing in front of him is quite literally the most beautiful man he has ever laid his eyes on. He’s tall, handsome, and upon further inspection - thanks to Jongin’s sharp eyes - has the smoothest milky skin Jongin’s ever seen. His face is chiseled and sharp. His milky skin is flawless - not even a single sign of discolouration - and his lips, although thin, were red and glossy. He looks like he’s straight out of a manga. 

Jongin can’t believe his eyes. 

Sehun runs his hand through his silky dark hair, and Jongin… well Jongin’s eyes dumbly follow the movements of his hand -- completely entranced.

_ What a marvelous creation. _

Absolutely  _ breathtaking.  _

“Yes? How can I help you?” Sehun asks casually, and Jongin’s legs almost buckle right there and then. 

Oh my goodness, even his voice is beautiful. If not for his good looks, his voice would definitely be able to grab Jongin by the nuts and get him to kneel. 

He’s handsome _ and  _ has a nice voice, Jongin thinks. How can anyone be that perfect?

“Um,” Jongin’s face is burning. He struggles to get words out because he’s blushing like crazy -- something that unfortunately happens too often when he’s around hot guys, “Delivery for Oh Sehun?”

He wonders if Sehun notices that he’s blushing. It’s very obvious - Jongin’s never been able to hide it when he’s flustered. 

Judging from the way Sehun smirks, Jongin finds the answer to his question.

Gosh,  _ how embarrassing. _

Jongin avoids eye contact and only looks at the flowers and he hands it to Sehun.

Sehun doesn’t take it.

“What’s this?” he asks.

“Flowers, from Chanyeol?” Jongin takes out the receipt to make sure he gets the right name. Yep, that’s the name. Chanyeol.

Sehun freezes at the sound of that name. Jongin doesn’t notice it at first, but when Sehun doesn’t take the flowers from his hand, Jongin looks up and finds Sehun staring at the flowers like it could bite him, like it poses some kind of danger towards him.

“Is there something wrong?” he asks because never in his entire life has he found someone who looks at flowers like they can sting.

“Those flowers aren’t for me.”

“What?” Jongin’s eyes widen, surprised.

_ Did he get the wrong Sehun?  _

No, that can’t be it. He’s always careful with his deliveries. He’s never sent flowers to the wrong people because he double checks the addresses every time. However, Jongin takes out the form to make sure of it anyway, and as expected, he isn’t wrong. He’s at the correct address.

“Are you Sehun?” Jongin asks.

Sehun’s crosses his arms and nods, “Yeah.”

“Then this is for you.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Oh Sehun?”

“That’s me.”

“It’s for you!” Jongin gets a bit frustrated. He checks his watch and deduces that he’s definitely going to be late for his dinner with Baekhyun and Jongdae.

And to make things worse, Jongin’s hungry and he knows for a fact that his two best friends won’t wait for him because they’d be hungry too.

To not waste any more time, Jongin shows the form to Sehun to prove that the flowers are indeed for him. Much to Jongin’s annoyance, Sehun doesn’t budge, acting nonchalant despite his jaw clenching and his pale skin reddening significantly.

Something is definitely up, but Jongin doesn’t want to know. He just wants to complete his job. 

“No.” Sehun stubbornly says.

Jongin deflates.

“Then if it’s not for you, then who’s it for?”

“I don’t know. Sounds like it’s your problem to settle,” Sehun says without a care in his voice. Like he hasn’t done any inconvenience at all. 

Jongin wants to smack his face. He doesn’t even care that Sehun has a face too beautiful to be smacked because  _ no one _ is beautiful enough for  _ this _ kind of behaviour.

Jongin pouts, looking at the flowers in his hand and wondering what’s he supposed to do with it if Sehun doesn’t want to take it. As he thinks, his gaze goes from the flowers back to Sehun who right now is looking at him with a small smile on his face.

“Why are you smil-”

“You’re cute,” Sehun answers, his smile grows wider when Jongin’s face gets redder, “What’s your name?”

“You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?”

“I’m not,” Sehun replies, leaning against the door fame, “But if you’d give me your number, we might…”

“Are you seriously hitting on me right now?”

Sehun doesn’t reply, but his smirk betrays the cold behaviour he exudes just now. And Jongin.... Jongin’s a little confused. 

Annoyed, flustered, and if he’s being honest, a little turned on.

No man has ever rendered him speechless like this. Jongin wishes he can come up with a snarky comeback like he would in normal days when he’s  _ not  _ tired and craving for pizza; but right now he’s exhausted and on the verge of shutting down completely.

He pleads, “I’m just a delivery boy. I deliver things and go on my way, so please, just take these flowers so I can go.”

“I can’t,” Sehun says.

Jongin seethes, “But it’s for you! You’re Oh Sehun, and this,” he shows the address on the sheet, “is your address!” 

“Correct.”

“Then it’s for you!”

“No. I don’t want it.”

“I’m sorry if you’re not familiar with how delivery works but these flowers are for you, so you  _ have _ to accept it,” he shoves the flowers into Sehun’s hands. Sehun looks bewildered, but when Jongin glares at him, he keeps his mouth shut.

“Sign here, please,” Jongin gives the form to Sehun, avoiding eye contact because he knows that this man would rile him up again and he doesn’t want to play games. He takes his job seriously and he certainly does not flirt with a man who already has a boyfriend. 

Sehun has a boyfriend. He’s  _ taken _ . By  _ Chanyeol  _ at that, a man who also looks like he just stepped out of a magazine. 

They’re a perfect match, so why’s Sehun so reluctant in receiving these flowers and why’s he flirting with Jongin?

After a minute, Sehun takes the form and signs it. When he gets the form back from Sehun, Jongin turns and walks away without saying goodbye, cursing Sehun for making him late for his dinner with his friends. Both Jongdae and Baekhyun have been bitching about he’s never on time, and now they’re right -- and Jongin would never hear the end of this.

As Jongin approaches the elevator, he hears footsteps behind him. When he turns his head to his side, he sees Sehun walking alongside him.

“W-what are you doing?”

“Taking out the trash,” Sehun replies curtly. 

Jongin looks at his hand and he only sees the flowers that he just delivered.

_ No. _

“ _ You’re throwing out the flowers _ ?” Jongin shrieks, eyes widened in horror. 

Sehun shrugs, completely uncaring of Jongin’s dismay. 

“I told you it’s not for me.”

“It is for you! How many times do we have to go through this?”

“Well I don’t want it,” Sehun snaps, he loses his patience and now looks downright furious, “You want it? You can have it.  _ Here _ .”

He thrusts the beautiful bouquet into Jongin’s hands. Jongin takes it, staggers back a little because of the force of Sehun’s push. 

“B-but  _ why _ ?”

“It’s none of your business.” Sehun replies with a clipped tone. Jongin winces at that, and Sehun, being an observant person, notices what he just did and instantly feels bad.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”

Jongin blinks, “Um, okay…”

“Just take the flowers. Give it to your friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, I don’t care. Just take it away from me.”

Jongin is about to ask why but before he gets to do so, Sehun turns and goes back to his apartment, leaving Jongin with a bouquet of red roses that he doesn’t know what to do with.

////

“You’re late.” Baekhyun states once Jongin slips into their usual booth. Jongdae’s finishing a slice of pizza, and on the table, there’s only one slice left. Baekhyun looks so relaxed as he licks his fingers clean, a clear sign that he’s full. 

Jongin knew that they wouldn’t wait for him, but that doesn’t mean he’s not annoyed.

Jongdae’s eyes fall on the flowers Jongin has in his hands.

“Um dude,” Jongdae starts, unsure, “I know we said this is a dinner date but we don’t actually expect flowers. You really don’t have to-”

“Shut up, Dae,” Jongin retorts, pushing the flowers to Baekhyun’s chest as he’s the closest to him, “Take it. I don’t want it.”

“Well aren’t you a Prince Charming?” Jongdae comments. Jongin simply glares at him before taking the last piece of pizza and stuffs it into his mouth. He steals Baekhyun’s half-full soda and drinks it all, too hungry to even ask for his permission. Baekhyun doesn’t mind at all, instead, he focuses his attention on the flowers.

“This is pretty,” he says, and then smiles at Jongin, “Thanks, I guess.”

Jongin shrugs. He wipes his face with a napkin once he finishes the pizza. He’s still hungry.

“Can’t believe you started without me,” he says sulkily. Honestly, how bad can this day get? A long day of class, a long day of delivery, and a bad case of a weird customer who for some reason hates flowers. No one hates flowers in this town, Jongin’s almost sure of that. Especially if the flowers are Mrs Jay’s arrangement. They’re so pretty; it’s impossible to hate.

“Well,  _ duh _ . You said you’d be here half an hour ago. We thought you ditched us or something.” Baekhyun says.

“I texted you saying I’d be late!”

“You did?” Baekhyun’s eyes widen comically. Jongin nods, and Baekhyun puts his flowers on the table before reaching into his bag to take out his phone.

“Ah, no wonder,” he shows his phone to Jongin. Blank screen. “My phone’s dead. Forgot to charge it earlier.”

“And mine’s in my bag at the back. I’m too lazy to get it,” Jongdae says when Jongin’s about to ask where his phone is. Jongdae works here, and Jongin knows that he usually has a busy shift so it’s normal of Jongdae to ignore calls and messages after his shift ends as he needs to relax.

Jongin pouts. He looks at the sad empty plate in front of him. He should just order another one, but he’s running short on cash this week. All three of them were supposed to split the bill tonight to make it easier for him.

Baekhyun sees Jongin’s facial expression and instantly feels sorry for him. 

Jongin and Baekhyun have been friends since Jongin was a freshman and Baekhyun was a junior, so he’s like Baekhyun’s little brother whom he took under his care. They’re so close that they understand each other so well that they practically share minds. Jongin doesn’t need to say anything for Baekhyun to understand that he badly needs a good end of the day. 

Baekhyun signals for the waiter to come to their table.

“One margherita pizza, please,” he orders once the waiter gets to him, “And a large soda, for this loser over here.”

The waiter takes their order and quickly goes to the kitchen. Jongin looks at Baekhyun like he wants to kiss him.

“So what’s the deal with you?” Jongdae asks, “Why’re you late?”

“I got caught up with work.”

“We can tell,” Jongdae looks at the flowers in front of Baekhyun, “And what’s the case with this? You didn’t complete the delivery?”

“I did! You think I’d come here when my work’s not finished?” Jongin replies a tad defensively - he’s a perfectionist, he doesn’t do things half-way, “I went to deliver this to a customer’s boyfriend, and the customer’s boyfriend got so weird about it that he wanted to throw it out.”

“Throw out? This flower?” Baekhyun asks in bewilderment.

“Yeah,” Jongin says, heated, “I have no idea what’s his issue but these flowers  _ do not _ belong in the trash.”

“Totally agree with you, man,” Baekhyun chides as he smells the flowers. He smiles to himself, “Well, sucks to be him. These flowers are so pretty.”

“Yeah, you’d love them better than him anyway. Can’t believe someone so cute could be so heartless.” Jongin mutters as he thought of Sehun, “He didn’t even thank me.”

“What do you expect from someone who throws away pretty things?” Jongdae chides, “Maybe he’s had a bad day, who knows? Either way, his loss is Baekhyun’s gain. You need something to decorate your dorm anyway, right?” He asks Baekhyun, and Baekhyun nods.

“Yeah, I was thinking of buying flowers because god knows that place needs some colour,” Baekhyun shudders at the thought of his cold dorm, “These flowers are perfect.”

Jongin looks at the flowers in Baekhyun’s hands and sighs, “Such beautiful flowers…” he mutters to himself, “Some people are so lucky.”

His musings aren’t missed by Baekhyun as he looks at Jongin and asks, “You seem to like these? If you want it, you can have it.”

“No, it’s not that,” Jongin shakes his head, “Just… Sending all these flowers makes me think about how lonely I am?” he laughs nervously, trying to lighten up the situation, “I mean, if you put aside that ungrateful customer I just said, I see people send flowers to their loved ones, their girlfriends and boyfriends, and I just… it makes me think about how alone I am sometimes.”

Jongin knows it’s silly to feel this way. The last relationship he had was in high school, but his boyfriend at that time, Kyungsoo, broke up with him the moment they graduated because he thought it’s best if they remain friends instead. Jongin would be lying if he said that he wasn’t hurt, but unlike him, Kyungsoo got a scholarship to pursue his studies in Oxford, a university in a foreign country that Jongin could only dream of going. 

He thinks it’s stupid that he’s still hung up on a relationship that ended when he’s a senior in high school. He’s a sophomore in college now -- he needs to let it go. Sure, that was the worst summer of his life, but he’s had other beautiful summers since then.

“You’re not alone, Jongin,” Baekhyun says, “You have me. And Jongdae.”

Jongdae, who never shows obvious affection towards both of them, simply shrugs. Baekhyun smiles -- Jongdae likes to pretend he’s nonchalant about this, but he loves his friends.

“It’s different.”

“It’s different, but it doesn’t mean it’s not good.” Jongdae says.

“Easy for you two to say. You’re not attracted to anyone, Jongdae. And Baekhyun has a boyfriend…”

“Well, yeah, about that…” Baekhyun starts, both Jongin and Jongdae immediately turn to him, “I’m single.”

“You broke up with Mystery Guy?!” Jongdae and Jongin say in unison, surprised. Just like that, Jongin’s melancholy disappears, instantly replaced by curiosity about Baekhyun’s love life.

Baekhyun dated Mystery Guy for  _ months _ , and that says something because it is unlike Baekhyun to commit to anyone for more than a month. Despite never meeting him, both Jongdae and Jongin knew that Mystery Guy was special to Baekhyun, and for the first time since forever, they knew that their friend was in love although he’d never admit it.

Both of them were sure that Mystery Guy was Baekhyun’s The One.

Apparently, they’re wrong.

“Baek, I’m so sorry,” Jongdae starts, but Baekhyun shakes his head. 

“No, don’t” he says, putting on a smile, but Jongin and Jongdae see the sadness in his eyes, “I’m okay. I’ll be okay,” he adds when he doesn’t sound convincing enough, “Some things are just not meant to be.”

Silence falls on the table. Baekhyun sounds so resigned, completely devoid of life and excitement he showed just moments earlier. Jongin remembers how he once called Mystery Guy his soulmate, the one who understands him the most, the one who loves him unconditionally. It’s feels unreal that they broke up.

“Well, I guess we’re all single again!” Baekhyun jokes, forcing a smile. Jongin and Jongdae both see his effort and understand the pain he’s feeling trying to cover up, and they know that Baekhyun hates them watching him with sympathy, so they play along.

“Again? Jongdae’s always single, though.” Jongin adds, looking at Jongdae.

“Is it my fault that no one is attractive as me?” Jongdae replies snarkily, “I mean, why would I need someone else when I have  _ me _ ?”

“You having yourself is exactly why you need someone else,” Baekhyun chuckles, “Imagine having to live with  _ you _ for the rest of your life. I feel bad at you for you.”

“Fuck off!” Jongdae laughs, pushing Baekhyun’s shoulder. Baekhyun laugh, so does Jongin.

And just like that, the tension from before dissipates into thin air, and when Jongin’s pizza arrives, he shares it with his two best friends.

////

Jongin feels like he’s going to die.

With assignment deadlines and tests coming up, Jongin finds himself spending his nights completing his assignments and studying for tests. The pressure often gets to him that he doesn’t sleep and eat well at all. He knows that this is going to happen because that’s just how his life in university goes - a breeze for a few weeks because he only have classes to attend and no assignments to complete, and hell on earth for a few weeks because assignment deadlines and tests often are so close together.

Due to this hectic week, Jongin doesn’t have time to think about his health or his body, so naturally, he falls sick.

Jongin feels and looks like a mess, yet he can’t do anything about it because he can’t afford to fail this semester. He needs to go on and power through this despite feeling like death himself.

Baekhyun is there for him every step of the way. Being a senior who has taken Jongin’s subjects before, he proves himself to be very useful in making Jongin’s tasks easier. Jongin thinks he’s lucky that he has Baekhyun as a friend because even when Baekhyun is busy with his thesis and is struggling himself, he still finds time to help Jongin. Only with Baekhyun’s help does he manages to make progress with his tasks, and they both manage to complete everything the day before the deadline.

Jongin thinks he’s safe, but the exhaustion takes over him when he sleeps that night -- so much so that by the time he wakes up, he only has 10 minutes before the lecturer stops accepting submissions.

“Fuck!” Jongin yells when he wakes up. He gets up, almost trips over Baekhyun who’s cocooned in a sleeping bag on the floor. Baekhyun makes sounds of annoyance but Jongin barely manages to mutter sorry as he grabs his assignment and dashes out the door.

Jongin sprints to the lecturer’s office. He ignores how his feet are burning and how people are staring like he’s lost his mind. He cannot care less because right now he needs to get his assignment to his lecturer’s office -- he needs to.

By the time Jongin arrives, his lecturer is just collecting the assignments. His eyes widen at the sight of Jongin, but just when Jongin’s about to open his mouth to apologize and beg for him to accept his submission, his lecturer holds out his hand and says, “Nevermind. Just hand it in.”

Jongin heaves a relieved sigh as he gives his lecturer his work.

“Thank you, Dr. Thank you so much,” Jongin mutters, so happy that he gets there on time. He expects his lecturer to give him a look of annoyance because he hates last minute submissions, but much to Jongin’s surprise, he looks at Jongin with sympathy, and he then kindly says, “Take care of yourself, Mr. Kim.”

Jongin doesn’t think too much of his words. He’s just so elated that he’s completed his assignments and can finally breathe for a while. As he walks back to his dorm, his steps are a little lighter, a little bouncier. He can’t wait to sleep the whole weekend, stuff his face with his favourite food, and play video games with Jongdae and Baekhyun. 

He has the whole weekend to rest -- and he can’t wait.

Jongin’s too busy planning his weekend in his head that he doesn’t watch where he’s going. The next thing he knows, he hears a loud clang, his face hurts, and he’s on the floor.

He groans, tears misting his eyes because  _ fuck, _ that  _ hurts. _

“Oh my god, are you okay?” A voice asks, but Jongin barely registers the question because he’s a bit disoriented from the fall and his vision’s a bit blurry. It takes him a few more seconds to collect himself, but when he does, he looks up and finds a light pole right in front of him.

He hit a fucking pole.

A hand touches his shoulder, and Jongin remembers that he still hasn’t answered the question. Jongin’s face burns from embarrassment as he gets on his feet and brushes dirt from his jeans. God, it’s embarrassing enough that he hit a pole because he wasn’t watching where he was going, but to have another person witnessing all that?

_ Humiliating. _

He turns to tell the person that he’s alright and there’s nothing to worry about, but when he sees who it is, his voice gets stuck in his throat.

Seven billion people in the world, and Jongin humiliated himself in front of Sehun.

_ Oh Sehun. _

“Oh my God,  _ it’s really you _ !” Sehun says, eyes widened in surprise. He looks as stunning as ever, “The flower boy!”

It’s been a week since the time Jongin sent him the flowers, but Sehun for some reason remembers him. Jongin wishes he doesn’t. That would certainly make things less embarrassing. 

Seriously, of all the things he could have done, he has to run into a pole and almost knock himself out in front of quite literally the hottest guy he’s ever seen. 

_ Talk about bad luck. _

“Yeah, it’s me,” Jongin manages, looking at his feet. He has no idea what to say. At that, Sehun’s smile widens.

“You’re okay? Looks like you took quite a hit there.”

Jongin feels his face grow hotter, “Yeah, I’m okay.” 

He wants nothing more than to dash, but he doesn’t want to appear rude.

“Your face a little red.”

“I just ran into a fucking pole and it hurts, what colour do you expect my face to take? Turquoise?” Jongin snaps. Sehun’s smile dims, and at that, Jongin realises how unnecessary that remark was. Sehun was just asking a question. 

“I’m sorry. It’s been - it’s been a bad week.”

“I can tell,” Sehun says, looking at Jongin from head to toe. Jongin has no idea what he means by that but he hopes that Sehun doesn’t mean it in a bad way. Sehun’s smile is back on his face just a few seconds after that, and Jongin can’t help but admire how beautiful he is.

_ God really took His time making Sehun,  _ Jongin thinks.  _ Why else would Sehun walk on His earth looking like a walking piece of art? That has got to be the reason. The only reason. _

“Well then, I guess I should be going. You sure you’re okay?” Sehun asks to make sure.

Jongin nods, “Yeah. Thanks for your concern.”

Sehun doesn’t say anything. Jongin waits for him to walk away, but then he says, “Y’know, I didn’t get your name.”

“Of course you didn’t.” Jongin replies, “I never told you, and you didn’t ask.”

Sehun’s smile falters a bit, but he keeps his head up and continues, “Well… may I know your name?”

At that, Jongin returns his smile, “I’m Jongin. Kim Jongin.”

“Kim Jongin.” Sehun repeats, as if testing the way Jongin’s name rolls off his tongue, “Well, nice to see you again, Jongin.”

“Yeah.” Jongin replies. It _ is _ good to see him again, but Jongin wishes it’s under a different circumstance. Preferably one when he doesn’t make a complete fool out of himself.

“I should go,” Jongin says.

Sehun nods. He says goodbye to Sehun and walks away. 

Sehun watches him as he goes.

_ Kim Jongin. _

Sehun thinks about how he was a complete jerk to Jongin when they first met. He still feels terrible about it, but in his defense, when Jongin came to his house with the flowers, Sehun was in a bad state mentally, and seeing the flowers that he brought triggered the memories that Sehun was trying to suppress. The flowers reminded Sehun of a person he didn’t want to remember, so he snapped at Jongin despite knowing that Jongin was just doing his job.

It has been a week since that incident and Sehun’s in a better state of mind now, but even then, he can’t stop thinking about the cute delivery boy whom he was rude at although he did nothing to deserve it.

Jongin was just doing his job and Sehun acted like a complete brat. For that, Sehun feels so guilty.

He went about his week afterwards, hoping that somehow the universe would let him see Jongin again. 

And see Jongin he did, as he was walking out of his class when he saw Jongin walking, all happy and carefree despite his hair messy and his clothes mismatched. Jongin looked like he just got out of bed and went out and about like that, but the way he looked so happy made Sehun smile.

Sehun tried to catch up with him, but words failed him when he saw Jongin run straight to the pole and then fell. He then forgot about his intention to apologize when Jongin looked at him with recognition, proving that Sehun’s not the only one who remembers their previous encounter. 

Sehun sighs. Well, perhaps earlier was a missed opportunity, but if he met Jongin in this campus, it means that Jongin’s a student of this university too.

And that means he’s going to see him again.

Sehun is all smiles and grins when he gets to his next class. As he’s about to enter the class, his phone vibrates. Reaching into his jeans pocket, Sehun takes out the gadget and looks at the screen. His heart drops when he reads the message, and just like that, the happiness he gets from seeing Jongin vanishes. Now, he feels nothing but annoyance.

_ I’m sorry. _

He’s lost count of the times Chanyeol sends him the exact same text because every time he gets it, he deletes it almost immediately. This time, Sehun looks at the text a little longer and decides that he needs to put a stop to this.

He calls Chanyeol. 

Chanyeol answers at the first ring.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t fucking care?” Sehun starts before Chanyeol even gets to say hello.

“Sehun, please. Let me explain.”

“What’s there to explain?” Sehun wants to scream from frustration. Chanyeol is  _ so _ difficult, “We broke up. I ended things because we’re not right for each other. You know it, Chanyeol. You need to accept it.”

“You know I won’t give up on us,”

“I know, and I’m telling you that you should,” Sehun replies heartlessly, “Please stop with the flowers and the texts - I want to move on, and you should to.”

Sehun doesn’t give Chanyeol a chance to even reply as he immediately hangs up. He goes into the class, and hopes that when he gets out later and checks his phone, there won’t be a text from Chanyeol again.

////

Mrs Jay notices how tired Jongin has been lately, so she offers Jongin the weekend shift. Instead of sending flowers right after class, she proposes that Jongin works in the morning during the weekends, and she’d pay twice for his time if he’d like. As Jongin doesn’t go out much during weekends anyway, he gleefully accepts.

With that, Jongin’s life is a little more organized. As he doesn’t have to rush to work every time his class ends, he has more time to catch up with his assignments and readings. As he gets paid twice his previous salary, he has more money for good food and entertainment -- so yes, Jongin’s life a little bit better now.

After class, Jongin spends his time at Papa’s Pizza. He loves that place, mostly because the owner knows that he’s a regular customer so sometimes he gets either a free coffee or muffin, or when the owner’s feeling generous, a whole pizza to himself. Also, as Jongdae works there, Jongin doesn’t feel awkward spending hours at that place because sometimes Jongdae comes to sit with him during his breaks and works out their assignments together.

Jongin feels like he finally gets his life together, and he’s happy.

“I think someone’s interested in you,” Jongdae comments as he puts Jongin’s coffee on the table. Jongin looks up from his laptop, finding Jongdae looking at him with the expression of half-impressed, half-wonder.

“Um, who?”

“Well, there’s this guy a few days ago. He came in, saw you, and asked me about you. Of course I didn’t tell him anything,” Jongdae quickly adds because Jongin always feels a little creeped out when people ask his friends about him, “But ever since then, he always comes here? He doesn’t stay long though. He just… looks at you, and then leave.”

Jongin frowns, “Should I be worried?”

“I don’t think so. I think he’s more like a secret admirer?” Jongdae answers, “He looks like he wants to talk to you but every time I tell him to just go, he blushes and says no. I mean, it’s kinda cute,” Jongdae chuckles, “And he’s handsome too. If anything, I wonder how you manage to get someone that cute to fall for you.”

“How come I never notice this?” 

“ _ Because,  _ Jongin,” Jongdae sighs dramatically, “Every time you come here, you’re glued to your laptop and your books. You’re blind to everything else.” 

Jongdae then continues, “Anyway, I’m just telling you this because he might come again today and maybe you’d like to see who your secret admirer is. Maybe give the poor dude a break and smile at him or something? Just a thought.”

Jongin rolls his eyes, but takes note of what Jongdae says anyway. He knows how doesn’t notice anything when he’s busy with his work, so maybe he should relax a bit. He sighs as he shuts down his laptop. He drinks his coffee, eyes on the entrance of the cafe to see if the guy Jongdae’s talking about is actually coming.

Jongin doesn’t think the guy is actually a secret admirer because Jongdae has the tendency to exaggerate things, which means one should take every news that Jongdae gives with a grain of salt. Perhaps that guy knows Jongin from somewhere. Perhaps he has something important to talk to Jongin but is waiting for the right time.  _ Anything _ but a secret admirer. Jongin doesn’t think there’s anything to him that can make him have a secret admirer.

Still, he waits. 

He only has to wait for a few minutes because just then, a group of young men enter the cafe, and leading them is the one person that makes Jongin’s heart skip a beat.

Sehun.

Jongin gaze goes to Jongdae who’s working at the cashier. Upon Sehun’s arrival, Jongin sees that Jongdae’s smile gets wider, and then he mouths at Jongin, “ _ That’s him. That’s your admirer. _ ”

When Jongin turns to look at Sehun, he finds Sehun already looking at him. Sehun doesn’t go to him like he expects him to. Rather, he simply smiles, and waves hi.

Jongin blushes; he suddenly doesn’t know how to answer a simple hi.

Sehun doesn’t stay long. He simply orders his coffee with his friends and goes out, but even after he leaves, it takes a while for Jongin’s heart to beat normally again.

////

“So, what’s the deal with you and Sehun?” 

Jongin looks up from his book and finds Jongdae standing next to his table, eyes darted towards Sehun who sits two tables away from Jongin. Sehun’s currently absorbed in his own work, so he doesn’t notice the two pairs of eyes looking at him.

It seems like Sehun has made this place his usual hang out place like Jongin has. From Sehun’s frequent visits, Jongin can tell that he loves this place. Papa’s Cafe is quite secluded, quite unknown among university students who mostly crowd at Starbucks nearby. Hence, it is easy to fall in love with how homey this cafe feels. Jongin notices that Sehun barely comes here with his friends too. He’s alone most of the time, so Jongin can tell that just like him, he loves being alone when he’s doing his work.

And somehow Sehun becomes Jongdae’s friend too. According to Jongdae, Sehun is sweet and kind, and Jongdae likes him. He just wonders why Jongin’s still ignoring Sehun.

“I mean, I see him staring at you sometimes. And you stare at him too, don’t you dare deny that,” Jongdae adds quickly when Jongin opens his mouth to protest, “Sometimes I thought you two would stop with the eye-fucking and maybe talk? I can tell that he wants to talk to you, but you’re too busy pretending to ignore him, so he chickens out and stays at his table. And…” Jongdae sighs, “You stare at his table when he’s not here, and when he comes the next day, you look awfully relieved.”

“So Jongin,” Jongdae looks at him, both palms under his chin as he smiles gummily, “Where’s this love story going?”

“There’s no love story.”

“Oh, but there is,” Jongdae replies gleefully, “I know a love story when I see one.”

Jongdae, being a Literature major, loves to believe that classic romance happens in everyday life. Jongin still doesn’t understand why Jongdae doesn’t want to be in a relationship, but loves the idea of relationship for other people. He loves weddings, romance movies, and anniversary parties -- just not for himself. 

Jongdae loves seeing people in love, so naturally, he creates love stories, and by that, it means he loves playing matchmaker in many situations. Both Jongin and Baekhyun had fallen victim to this. None of the people Jongdae tried to match them with is right for them, but does that deter Jongdae? Not really.

“You’re  _ not  _ setting me up with him, Jongdae.”

“ _ I’m not _ !” Jongdae replies, still sounding too gleeful for Jongin’s liking, “I don’t have to do anything! All I have to do is wait for Sehun to grow some balls and talk to you instead of asking me about you.” he grins, “I mean, you’re not exactly the most interesting person, Jongin. There’s only so much I can tell him without sounding repetitive.”

Jongdae had asked Jongin if he’s okay with Sehun asking about him. Jongin said he doesn’t mind. He tries to play nonchalant, but every time Jongdae tells him that Sehun asks about him, his heart flutters, and he’s curious to know but he doesn’t want to seem too eager.

He keeps a straight face, hoping that Jongdae doesn’t catch his giddiness.

“Um, what did he ask about?”

Luckily for Jongin, Jongdae doesn’t catch that.

“Nothing much. Just how often you come here. Where you’re from. What’s your favourite order. How you’re doing.” Jongdae answers happily, “Jongin, a cute guy is interested in you and you’re playing hard to get?  _ Why _ ?”

Jongin doesn’t answer. He feels so happy knowing that Sehun is interested in him because who wouldn’t be flattered when someone beautiful is attracted to you? Jongin is just like every other young adult who wants to meet new people and be in love, and he loves pretty people. And Sehun… Sehun is pretty.

But then again, he’s also rude when he first met Jongin and he still hasn’t apologized. Jongin’s mom once told him that if he were to judge other people’s character, don’t judge them based on the way they treat their superior or their equal; judge them based on the way they treat those below them, those who don’t have the same privilege or luxury that they have.

Jongin holds on to his mother’s principle. Sehun might be good person beneath the cold persona he exudes, but he certainly did not make a good first impression on Jongin.

Besides, the whole thing with the flowers gives Jongin the feeling that there’s something unsettled between Sehun and Chanyeol.

The last thing Jongin wants to do is to insert himself in an exes drama. 

So, no, Jongin is definitely not interested. He doesn’t care how beautiful Sehun is, how he makes Jongin blush every time he smiles at him, or how he looks like an interesting person to get to know. 

No, Jongin is  _ not  _ interested. He repeats the same thing to himself every single day. 

He certainly is  _ not  _ interested in Sehun.

////

Okay, perhaps Jongin is a little bit interested.

It takes Sehun another week of visiting the cafe to finally gain some courage to actually approach Jongin. Well, not exactly  _ approach _ , but instead of just watching him from afar, Sehun now takes the initiative to say hi every time he passes by Jongin’s table. A few days later, Jongin starts receiving coffee from Sehun, and on those coffee cups, he gets cute messages, compliments, and words of encouragement written on it. 

_ (What truly tugs Jongin’s heartstrings is that the first cup he gets, the words that were written on it were “I’m sorry for being an asshole to you. I regret it every day” -- Jongin still hates how he swooned after reading that) _

Sehun is yet to approach Jongin completely, but he makes tiny efforts that Jongin notices. Jongin still keeps the cup of the first iced coffee Sehun bought him. Jongin appreciates every cup he gets.

As much as he hates to admit it, he actually enjoys reading the notes on the cups. Jongin can tell right away that Sehun isn’t a man of words as the notes are often short and sweet - never too much, never too little. Sometimes, after a long day of class, he gets to the cafe, and he feels a little less tired when Sehun smiles at him and says hi.

Jongdae tells him that Sehun writes the notes himself before giving them to him to send to Jongin, and Jongdae thinks it’s one of the most romantic things ever.

Jongin agrees -- but not that he will ever admit it.

“He obviously wants to ask you out,” Jongdae says. He’s eating his club sandwich as he watches Jongin complete his assignment. Jongin ignores him. He has been working on the assignment for the past couple of days yet he still has not made any progress. Jongin is so annoyed with himself. Is he too dumb to understand his lecturer’s instructions? Or is this just him paying the price for falling asleep in class the other day?

Either way, Jongin is so,  _ so _ annoyed. Jongdae sitting there and pestering him with questions about Sehun doesn’t do anything to ease his annoyance either.

“I think you should make it easier for him and… well, talk to him? It’s been like a week of him sending you notes but you never reply -- maybe you should make the effort too ta-”

“Why would I do that?” Jongin interrupts rudely, glaring at Jongdae.

“Don’t play dumb with me,” Jongdae throws a piece of his bread to Jongin’s head. He does it jokingly, but Jongin is so close to shoving the sandwich down his throat. He’s borderline angry right now, but Jongdae pays no mind to his deathly glare and continues, “You’re interested in him too, aren’t you?”

“No.” Jongin answers just to spite him.

“For fuck’s sake.”

“What do you want me to tell you?” Jongin asks. The last thing he wants right now is his own best friend pestering him about his love life. Yes, he’s interested in Sehun, and yes, it’s confusing because he hasn’t felt this interested in anyone since Kyungsoo, and yes, Jongdae asking him and pushing him to make a move on Sehun annoys him so much. He doesn’t have time to think about all this right now, and everything is so fucking overwhelming that Jongin want to pull his hair and cry.

People say that you shouldn’t say anything when you’re angry because the hurt that is in your chest might lead you to say the things that you don’t even mean.

Yet, Jongin can’t stop his mouth.

“I’m not interested,” Jongin says, feeling a little satisfied when Jongdae’s eyes widened in surprise, “What he’s doing is nice but you can’t buy me with coffee. If he wants to be my friend, then he can just approach me and talk to me but if he wants to ask me out on a date, then no.”

“Jongin…”

“I know you want us to get together so badly, Jongdae, but he’s obviously way out of my league. If you get off your romance fantasy for a while, you’d see that. Don’t you see his attire? Dude practically screams money,” Jongin says, and Jongdae’s eyes widen even more, like he’s watching horror before his eyes, “I love the coffee but if he thinks he can buy me with food and drinks, he’s wrong.”

“Jongin, please sto-”

“Besides,” Jongin ignores Jongdae’s pleas, “I’d never date a guy like him, Jongdae. There’s obviously some kind of unresolved drama between him and his… well, whatever Chanyeol is to him, but I’m not involving myself in that. No sir, no ma’am-”

“Shut up,” Jongdae cuts Jongin’s words. The surprise on Jongdae’s face shuts Jongin up completely. Jongin realises that he might have gone overboard. He was lying at some parts after all. He certainly is interested in Sehun and only said what he said to spite Jongdae, but even then, he shouldn’t have lied to his friend.

He’s about to apologize to Jongdae, but he notices that Jongdae’s not looking at him. Jongdae’s eyes are focused on whatever it is behind Jongin, so Jongin turns to see what Jongdae’s looking at.

Jongin’s blood turns to ice when he sees Sehun’s figure walking out of the cafe.

He quickly turns to Jongdae, who looks at him with utter disappointment.

“D-did he-” Jongin stutters, “Did he hear-”

“Yes.” Jongdae says “Every single word.”

////

Jongin hasn’t seen Sehun in nine days now. 

Nine days of Sehun not coming to this cafe anymore.

Jongin wonders how Sehun can come into his life, barely does anything, yet leaves such a mark in his heart. Every time Jongin walks alone, he finds himself hoping that he sees Sehun. He no longer pays attention to the blooming flowers or the beautiful weather, but he keeps thinking about what he said, and how terrible he said it, and how he wishes he could say sorry.

It feels even worse when he’s at the cafe. Jongin has grown used to seeing Sehun a few tables from him that he feels even worse when the table is now often occupied by a middle-aged woman who scowls at him every time he looks her way. It’s not a good feeling -- missing Sehun  _ and _ being scowled at.

“Just admit it. You miss him.” Jongdae says when he catches Jongin looking at the table where Sehun used to sit.

“You can’t miss people you don’t know, Dae.”

“I mean, you  _ kind of  _ know him. He writes little things about himself in the notes. He technically has introduced himself to you.  _ You  _ know him but  _ he  _ doesn’t know you, so if you want to compare situations now, it’s easier for him to not miss you than for you to not miss him.”

Jongin glares at Jongdae, “You’re my friend. You’re supposed to be on my side!”

Jongdae smiles, ruffling Jongin’s hair, “Oh, Jongin, I’m never on anyone’s side but myself.”

Jongin swats Jongdae’s hand from his hair. He puts his face in his palms and groans. God, he fucked up so bad.

“Anyways, in case you’re interested, we have a new couple in the cafe. You and Sehun have been dethroned.”

“When were we ever-”

Jongdae ignores Jongin’s words and gestures to the couple by the window, “Do you know that they used to be lovers but were separated by war? After the war they couldn’t contact each other so they lived separate lives,” Jongdae sighs, as if that’s the saddest story he’s ever heard, “But they meet again in this very cafe. How cute is that?”

“Are they married to other people? Because if they are, that’s cheating.”

Jongdae glares at him, “Don’t spoil my story!”

“I’m not!” Jongin defends himself, “I’m just pointing out the plot holes!”

Jongdae rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t answer. Jongin supposes he doesn’t know the answer to Jongin’s question either.

“Whatever, Dae. I know it gets boring here sometimes but try not interject yourself in other people’s drama, okay?” Jongin says as he gets up and picks his bag, “I’ll see you in class tomorrow?”

Jongdae nods and says his goodbye. Jongin puts on his jacket and steps out of the cafe.

It’s dark outside. Jongin has been working on his group assignment with Jongdae that he didn’t realise that time had passed. The weather’s a bit chilly too, so Jongin quickly zips up his jacket to avoid getting cold and fastens his pace towards his dorm.

As he walks, his stomach rumbles, reminding him that he hasn’t eaten anything since afternoon. Jongin shrugs. He should get something to eat or his gastric problems would act up again.

Jongin decides to forgo going to the cafe because he’s too lazy to go back. So, he keeps walking. If luck is on his side today, he’ll find a food stall that is still open on the way.

And luck is definitely on his side today as Jongin doesn’t even have to walk for long to find a cart selling hotdogs. Happily, Jongin fastens his pace to the cart while there’s no one queuing. He remembers that Baekhyun promised to come to his dorm room to study tonight, so he orders two hotdogs instead of one.

As Jongin watches the vendor make his hotdog, he hears someone approach and order some hotdogs from behind him.

Jongin’s heart beats faster when he recognizes that voice.

_ Sehun. _

“J-jongin?” Sehun stammers when Jongin turns and faces him. Jongin’s equally as speechless.

“Hi.”

“Um, yeah. Hi.” Sehun answers awkwardly.

Jongin expects Sehun to say something more. After all, it’s always Sehun who makes the first move and initiates conversations first. Therefore, when Sehun remains silent and keeps his distance from Jongin, Jongin feels his heart break a little.

Jongin waits, and waits, but then the vendor hands him his hotdogs, which means that he has to go now. Jongin sighs. He really doesn’t want to go.

He wants to stay here and talk to Sehun for a while. Thus, purposely, he slows down his movement and pretends to look for more cash in his bag. As he searches his bag, he wishes Sehun would say something, anything, to make him stop what he’s doing, and maybe start a conversation. 

But Sehun still doesn’t say anything.

Therefore, with a heavy heart, Jongin hands the cash to the vendor and says goodbye to Sehun, to which Sehun answers with a cold “Yeah, bye.” 

Jongin hates this. 

His heart doesn’t feel at peace. He needs to clear the situation and explain to Sehun that he didn’t mean anything he said at the cafe. He was frustrated and said those mean things to spite Jongdae and to put a stop to his questions about his relationship with Sehun.

Jongin then decides to do one of the hardest things he has to do. 

He lowers his ego and decides to face Sehun.

“Fuck it,” Jongin mutters to himself before turning around to go back to the hotdog cart. Sehun’s still there, much to his relief, so he goes to him before he starts to doubt himself.

“I’m sorry.” Jongin says once he gets there. He stands in front of Sehun, looking at him right in the eyes.

Sehun’s eyebrows furrow.

“For what?”

“I know you heard what I said to Jongdae about a week ago. I- I think I hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry.”

Sehun doesn’t say anything for a while, contemplating what to say. 

Then he says, “You don’t have to apologize. You don’t want to be my friend, and that’s okay. I don’t want to force you to do anything.”

“If anything,” Sehun adds, “I’m the one who owes you an apology. If my advances made you comfortable, I won’t do it again.”

_ No, please do, _ Jongin wants to say, but words don’t come out.

“Just so you know, I wasn’t trying to buy you with coffee or anything,” Sehun continues and Jongin can see how hurt he is, “I really do want to be your friend. And I liked the cafe, so I enjoy going there to do my assignments. I can see how my actions make me look like a creep, but I swear I have no bad intentions.”

“Y- you don’t appear like that at all, Sehun!” Jongin says, a little bewildered that his words actually made Sehun feel all that. It’s a big misunderstanding and Jongin wants to set things straight, “I don’t mind you there, so please, don’t stop coming just because I was a jerk.”

“You’re not a jer-”

“Oh, but I was,” Jongin interrupts, “I’m sorry. Please accept my apology.”

_ And please come to cafe every day again. I miss you. I miss you so much. _

Sehun smiles at that, “Okay.” 

At that moment, the vendor has finished making Sehun’s orders and hands the hotdogs to him. Sehun takes it and stands there awkwardly. Feels like there’s more to talk about with Jongin, but there’s no excuse for him to stay there anymore.

Jongin clears his throat, “Um, walk me to my dorm?”

“Huh?”

“It-s- It’s just around the corner. It’s kinda dark, and I hate walking alone, so…” Jongin wishes Sehun would just get the hint already, “Walk with me?”

Much to his relief, Sehun then nods, “Okay.”

“So,” Jongin starts as they walk together, purposely keeping his pace slow, “I know that I make it seem like I hate the notes, but I actually enjoy reading them.” 

“You do?” 

“I do,” Jongin confirms, “Just… you can stop it now.”

“Is it too much?” Sehun asks, “I know sometimes I write cheesy things but I’m not too good with words but I want to make you feel better when you’re stressed but I- I don’t know what to say most of the time and-”

“Sehun,” Jongin chuckles, “It’s  _ not _ too much. It’s perfect. I’m telling you to stop because you don’t need to send cups when you can just sit with me.”

“Oh,” Sehun mutters, and Jongin sees the tips of his ears turn red. Jongin’s sure that he’s blushing too, but he is grateful that Sehun is kind enough to not comment on that, just like how he is not going to comment on Sehun too.

“I’d love to be your friend,” Jongin says, “We should hang out sometimes.”

“What changed?” Sehun asks, but there’s no bite in his tone. Only curiosity.

_ Nothing, _ Jongin wants to say. He wanted to be his friend ever since he got the first note on the cup. It was fun playing hard to get, but Jongin knows his limits. Jongdae is right - he needs to shoot his shot one way or another too.

“I realise that you’re not too bad.” Jongin tries to keep a nonchalant tone, “And it’s weird not seeing you around at the cafe. You should come back.”

Sehun doesn’t answer, but he smiles to himself. The smile never leaves his face even as they approach Jongin’s dorm.

Jongin is curious. 

“Okay, spill. Why’re you smiling?”

Sehun doesn’t answer right away. It’s like he’s trying to contain himself, of happiness or hilarity? Jongin doesn’t know. Sehun sighs, looks at Jongin with soft eyes, and says, “Jongin, what you said earlier. Were you trying to tell me that you missed me?”

Jongin is sure that even if the night is dark, Sehun can still see how red Jongin face has become. His face is so hot that he is sure that his face is not just red, but neon. He sputters, but then he playfully punches Sehun’s shoulder.

“I did not!”

“You did!”

“I didn’t! And that’s the end of discussion!”

Jongin doesn’t look at Sehun as he runs up the stairs to his dorm. He hears Sehun calls, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jongin!”

Jongin is smiling so widely, his heart is so full that he feels like he’s going to burst.

When he enters his room, he sees Baekhyun already sprawled on the floor, reading his notes.

“Your roommate let me in,” Baekhyun says. He looks up at Jongin, surprised to see how Jongin’s face is red all over, “Um, you’re blushing. What’s going on?”

Jongin shakes his head as he takes off his jacket, “Nothing. Let’s just study.”

Jongin can’t focus at all that night, but for the first time ever, he doesn’t care that much. He feels more relaxed, and really, _ really _ happy.

And that night, his thoughts are only filled with Sehun, Sehun, and  _ Sehun _ .

////

“Okay, I need to ask,” Jongin says out of nowhere and puts his pen down. He’s currently studying with Sehun at the cafe, a routine that they’ve both picked up ever since they started being friends. It was weird at first because of the constant teasing from Jongdae, but Jongin perseveres anyway because he loves studying with Sehun (and he doesn’t want to mess up whatever chance he might have with him). 

Sehun’s smart, wise, and resourceful, so he makes a wonderful study partner. So, now they are, at Jongin’s usual table, feet tangled with one another under the table as they study. 

Jongin loves that.

“What is it?” Sehun looks up, already looking at Jongin’s paper, assuming that Jongin’s talking about the topic he’s studying. They don’t take the same classes because they’re from different courses, but Sehun is intelligent, so when Jongin find difficulties in some chapters he’s studying, he’d let Sehun take a look at it, and most of the time, Sehun gets it. 

He’s so intelligent, and Jongin finds that so, so attractive.

However, right now, Jongin doesn’t want to ask about his assignment.

“No, it’s not this. It’s something else. It’s - it’s about you.”

“Me?” Sehun asks, and Jongin nods. 

Sehun gestures Jongin to continue.

“What happened between you and Chanyeol?” Jongin decides to just dive straight to the point, “Are you two like… still figuring things out or something? Because you seem so adamant on rejecting his advances,” Jongin recalls the time when Sehun looks absolutely livid at the sight of flowers sent by Chanyeol, “While he looks adamant on getting you back.” He recalls what Chanyeol said to him, about how the flowers were for a boy he wanted to win back.

Jongin expects Sehun to avoid answering the question and Jongin has to do more coaxing. After all, this matter is personal and none of Jongin’s business at all. However, Jongin is curious, and he would hate it if he accidentally gets himself in a drama that might hurt him.

Sehun’s expression remains blank.

“Yeah, we broke up.”

He then resumes his work.

Jongin kicks his Sehun’s leg lightly to get Sehun’s attention.

“What?”

“Care to explain?”

“What do you want to know?”

“ _ Everything _ ?” Jongin asks, in disbelief at how nonchalant Sehun is in this matter.

“It’s not that interesting, really.” Sehun says calmly, wearing the same blank expression from before, “We met when we were 10. We grew up together, we fell in love when we’re teenagers, we’re each other’s first love, and we started dating.” He shrugs, “As you know, it didn’t work out. We drifted apart, he fell in love with someone else, and things ended.”

The fact that Sehun says all that in one flat tone, as if that’s the most uninteresting thing to ever happen to him, is astounding to Jongin.

“So, he broke up with you?”

“Nope,” Sehun says, his eyes on the article he’s reading, “ _ I  _ did.”

“You broke up with him just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“Is that- Is that why he wants you back?” Jongin asks, confused, “Because he can’t accept that the relationship’s over?”

“Perhaps,” Sehun shrugs, “Who knows why.”

Jongin shakes his head, “ _ Brutal _ .”

At that, Sehun looks up from reading the article, “I’m not the mean one here, y’know?”

“I mean, I get why you did why you did but…” Jongin starts, “You said that you two had dated since you’re teenagers, and you two were the loves of each other’s lives - but you broke up with him like there’s no history there. So… um yeah, that’s brutal.”

Sehun blinks, “Oh. Didn’t think of it that way.”

“Didn’ think of-  _ Are you serious _ ?”

Sehun crosses his arms across his chest, thinking.

“Well, yeah,” he says, “We’re unhappy. Been unhappy for a long time. The reason why we held on for so long was because Chanyeol’s afraid of changes.  _ Fears it _ , even. He loves stability and certainty, so whenever something new happens, it scares him.” Sehun explains, “We had a huge fight when we started university. It fucked both of us up, but we kept going because we loved each other. But that fight changed everything, and he met someone else.”

“He  _ cheated  _ on you?”

Sehun ponders, “I guess you can say that?” 

When Jongin seems to be confused as of why Sehun seems so nonchalant about this, Sehun sighs.

“It’s kind of complicated, Jongin. I knew he was falling in love with someone else, and I didn’t care,” Sehun says, “I fell out of love and started seeing myself more as his friend than his boyfriend. Technically, he was my ‘boyfriend’ but I stopped seeing him as that anymore. My perspective changed, I cared less. I knew I was supposed to be jealous, but I wasn’t. I wanted him to find someone else. I hoped he’d find someone else.”

“And he did?”

“He did. They met during class, I think. They couldn’t stand each other at first, but Chanyeol couldn’t stop talking about him even if he ‘hated’ him. He never noticed it, but the way he talked about the new guy, the way his eyes were bright and the way he smiled… He no longer loved me, not like he used to, but unlike me, he didn’t accept that.”

“Weren’t you hurt by what he did? Technically, he _ did _ cheat on you,” Jongin says, “Having feelings for someone else while dating someone is considered cheating.”

“I really wasn’t. Believe it or not, my love for Chanyeol runs deeper than our relationship. I love him so deeply that I want him to be happy, and being with me wasn’t going to make him happy. Someone gotta cut ties even if it hurts, and I did what he’s too scared to do.”

Jongin is silent. Sehun is cold for doing what he did, but if he’s the only one who was thinking about the relationship at the moment, perhaps that was the best thing to do. Jongin can relate to his own relationship with Kyungsoo. Granted, he didn’t fall out of love at that time, but Kyungsoo did what’s best for them by leaving him.

If he didn’t, perhaps they’d end up like Chanyeol and Sehun. Perhaps they’d hate each other, even.

“You still think I’m brutal?” Sehun asks upon Jongin’s silence. Jongin shakes his head.

“You did what you had to do.” Jongin says, “Although from what I see, he’s not taking the break up very well. He’s still sending you flowers?”

Sehun shakes his head, “Nope. I told him to stop.”

Jongin nods, “I think you should sit down and properly talk to him. Poor guy still wants you.”

“He doesn’t.” Sehun persists, “He’s just scared. Love can be a scary thing, you know? Especially when it’s new and blossoming because you never know what to do with yourself. He’s scared of his own feelings, so he wants the safety that he’s always known -  _ me _ .” Sehun says, Jongin can see his frustration. Jongin can tell that Sehun hates being the ‘safety’, and not the priority, “But I deserve better. I’m not someone’s security blanket. I deserve someone who loves me, and me only.”

Jongin didn’t mean to make Sehun upset when he asked the question. He only wanted to understand, and he understands the situation now. He understands that there is no drama that he should concern himself with, and he’s not interfering in anyone’s relationship after all. 

It’s not that he plans on asking Sehun out anyway. Not anytime soon, anyway. They’re comfortable with their relationship now, and Jongin’s happy.

Jongin reaches out and holds Sehun’s hand. Sehun seems surprised by his gesture, but he doesn’t move his hand.

“You’re right. You do deserve someone who loves you wholly, Sehun.” Jongin says, “One day, you’ll find that someone. I promise.”

Sehun smiles.

“I hope so too.”

////

“You look happy.” Jongdae comments as he puts Jongin’s tea on the table. Jongin’s trying to cut down on his coffee intake lately. He’s drank too much and he doesn’t even like coffee that much.

“I do?”

“Yeah.” Jongdae says, “And no, he’s not here yet.”

“Who is?”

“Sehun.”

“Who says I’m looking for him?”

“You keep looking at the door, practically jumps whenever someone enters.” Jongdae says as if that’s the most obvious thing in the world, “And you don’t hang out with anyone else here except for Sehun, so do you expect me to think you’re waiting for someone else?”

“I might have!”

“Who? You have like, two friends!”

“Excuse me? I have friends other than Sehun!”

“Oh yeah? Name them.”

“Well, there’s you.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes, “Sure. But go on.”

“And Baekhyun!”

“Ooh,  _ score _ !” Jongdae replies sarcastically, but then smiles when Jongin pouts. Jongdae then looks around the cafe to see if there’s any customer that needs his tending, but when he sees that everyone is settled, he sits across Jongin, “Speaking of Baekhyun, we need to talk about him.”

“Huh? Why?”

“I haven’t seen him in a while,” Jongdae says, “He hasn’t come to the cafe, barely speaks to me in class, hasn’t come to my place to hang out… I mean, it’s difficult to even call him these days.”

“He might be busy?”

“Too busy to see us?”

Jongin ponders that for a moment. It’s true that Baekhyun has been extremely busy these days. He’s a final year student so he has thesis and final presentations to prepare for, but throughout the years of them being friends, no matter how busy he is, Baekhyun always makes time for Jongin and Jongdae. 

Come to think of it, Jongin hasn’t talked to Baekhyun for almost a week now, and that’s weird. It’s unlike Baekhyun to ghost on his friends like this.

When Jongin seems to get his point, Jongdae continues, “I- I don’t mean this in a bad way, and this is just my assumption and I could be wrong, but,” Jongdae hesitates, “Could it be because of Sehun?”

Jongin frowns, “What?  _ How? _ He’s never even  _ met  _ Sehun.”

“Ever notice how he’s never hung out with us when Sehun’s around?” Jongdae asks, wearing the same frown as Jongin, “And not to alarm you or anything but you talk _ awfully  _ lot about Sehun. It’s always Sehun this, Sehun that - maybe Baekhyun’s annoyed?”

“You’re  _ wrong _ . Baekhyun wouldn’t be annoyed by something as stupid as that.” Jongin replies defensively, “I mean,  _ you’re _ not annoyed.”

“That’s because I know you have a crush on Sehun.” 

“I don’t!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Jongdae rolls his eyes and completely dismisses Jongin’s words, “Anyway, Baekhyun doesn’t know what you feel for Sehun. I know him, he’s protective. Although he won’t admit it, he’s a jealous person. All I’m saying is, while he, your  _ best friend _ , is busy with his thesis and doesn’t have time for you, you’re spending all your time with Sehun. Naturally, you talk a lot about Sehun when we hang out with him. Maybe Baekhyun’s a bit pissed.”

Jongin thinks about Jongdae’s words for a moment. They don’t hang out with Baekhyun often these days, but when they do, Baekhyun always finds excuses to leave early. And he always does so when Jongin updates him about what happens in his daily life, which contains an awful lot of Sehun.

“Damn, Dae. Now you make me worried.”

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this but there’s never the right time.” Jongdae says, sounding a little sympathetic now, “But hey, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Baekhyun has other issues that he’s dealing with? I don’t know, but Jongin, maybe you should reflect on the whole Sehun thing. I still think it’s fishy how he stops hanging out with us when you start hanging out with Sehun.” 

“Baekhyun’s your friend, Jongin,” Jongdae sighs, “Be a little observant, will you?”

Jongin simply nods. He doesn’t have anything else to say because perhaps he’s wrong in this matter. Perhaps he’s been so focused on having a new person in his life that he forgets about the people who are already in it.

Jongin is so deep in his thoughts that he doesn’t even notice that Jongdae has gotten up to continue working and Sehun has entered the cafe and is now sitting in front of him.

“Hey, you.” Sehun greets, breaking Jongin from his train of thoughts.

Jongin blinks, “Hey.”

“What’s with the long face?” Sehun asks. Jongin knows he can’t confide in Sehun about what’s happening with Baekhyun because Sehun’s never met Baekhyun. The last thing Jongin wants is for Sehun to worry about a friendship that has nothing to do with him.

“Nothing.” Jongin lies, “It’s been a long day.”

“Oh? What happened?”

“Just… the usual. Tutorials, lectures, more assignments…” Jongin trails off, “Nothing unusual. How are you though?”

“Same. A little stressed out, but I’m going out later so I’m okay now.”

“Oh? Where are you going?”

“Just somewhere,” Sehun replies nonchalantly, “Wait, unless you’d like to come with me?”

“Is it somewhere dangerous?” Jongin asks hesitantly. He’s hung out with Sehun long enough to find out that the man’s actually very spontaneous and doesn’t share Jongin’s definition of ‘fun’. Once he said he’d take Jongin somewhere fun, and that somewhere fun almost cost Jongin his _ life _ .

_ (Alright, he took Jongin to the amusement park and they went on a roller coaster. Not life threatening at all, but Jongin felt like he was going to die.) _

Ever since then he always thinks twice before saying yes to Sehun’s invitation to… anywhere, really.

Sehun smiles knowingly upon seeing Jongin’s hesitation, “I promise this is actually fun. We’re just going to relax and  _ not _ do anything that might lead to projectile vomiting.”

Jongin kicks Sehun’s leg for the teasing. Sehun winces a little, but then laughs. Jongin finds himself laughing along, and by the time they get out of the cafe, Jongin decides to go with Sehun to wherever he’s going because whatever it is, he just wants to spend more time with Sehun.

////

As it turns out, the place that Sehun was talking about is the park.

Jongin loves this. It’s a nice weather to go for a walk. It’s a bit chilly, but there’s sun, so there’s a bit of warmth. It’s just  _ nice. _

Jongin wouldn’t mind spending hours here with Sehun at all, He thought that’s what they’re going to do until Sehun takes out a guitar from the trunk of his car and takes his hand as they walk into the park. Jongin’s brain practically short circuited when Sehun holds his hand -- but he’s not complaining. 

Far from it.

Sehun walks and walks until he sees a group of kids playing under a huge tree. At the sight of them, his face lights up and he walks faster towards them, pulling Jongin with him.

There, they meet a woman whom Jongin assumes is the caretaker of the children. She gives Sehun a hug and looks curiously at Jongin. The woman’s name is Hana, and when Sehun introduces Jongin to her, there’s a knowing look in her eyes that Jongin’s can’t quite decipher. Jongin doesn’t have the time to think too deeply into it as she pulls Jongin into a hug too and welcomes him because “Sehun’s friend is our friend too.”

Hana introduces the kids to Jongin. From her, he finds out that the kids are from the orphanage near the park, and Hana is one of Sehun’s closest friends back in school. She always takes the kids to this park every Friday and Sehun joins her every week after class to hang out with them. Sometimes he plays with them, sometimes he brings his guitar to sing with them.

And today, Jongin gets to see Sehun sing. 

Jongin tries to ignore the way his heart flutters. He keeps a straight face, but kids being kids, they seem to have a sixth sense as they look at him with a knowing smirk. Jongin doesn’t think he’s ever felt that shy around kids. 

But the kids are also angels, so they don’t say anything but enjoys Sehun’s performance instead. 

And they spent their evening singing and laughing and eating.

Jongin doesn’t remember the last time he’s felt this happy.

That night, when Sehun drives him back to his dorm, Jongin feels a sense of melancholy. He hates how clingy he gets these days, like he can’t get enough of Sehun. 

He longs for him all the time. 

He misses Sehun even when Sehun’s right there in front of him.

It’s crazy how intense his feelings are towards him. It scares Jongin that he might be falling in love with Sehun.

Everything scares Jongin, but for the first time ever, he doesn’t want to run. When they say goodbye and Sehun drives away, Jongin finds himself looking forward to tomorrow.

////

Jongin knows that he should at least try asking Sehun out on a date. He knows that he should make a move.

But the thing is, he doesn’t know how to start. He doesn’t even know when’s the right time.

He tried asking Jongdae for his advice, but Jongdae being Jongdae, he told Jongin to just be blunt and ask Sehun out already. He said that there’s nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be scared of. If Sehun says no, then at least Jongin would get a closure. 

Jongdae is the kind of person who would push other people to confess their feelings to their crush. 

The kind of person who thinks you have nothing to lose. 

The kind of person who thinks people love knowing that someone loves them. 

You know, the kind of person who just don’t understand that  _ some people are shy. _

At this moment, Jongin wishes he could confide in Baekhyun. Baekhyun would give him an advice that is actually do-able. He’d take Jongin’s dignity in consideration.

But Baekhyun’s not talking to him. He doesn’t answer his calls and texts, and when Jongin goes to see him at his dorm, he’s never there. He’s purposely avoiding Jongin and Jongin doesn’t know why.

So, in this Sehun matter, Jongin does what he does best.

He ignores it and pretends everything is fine.

However, that is until one day when he enters Papa’s Cafe and finds Sehun at the counter, talking to this handsome, modelesque man who looks way too friendly for Jongin’s liking. The man’s chatting Sehun up,  _ Jongin can tell _ , and at that, he feels bile rising up his throat and he feels hot all over.

Jongin can’t think straight. All he wants to do is to snatch Sehun away from that guy and takes him out of the cafe. He knows it’s stupid to feel this way, especially when Sehun’s just his friend, nothing more that that, and he shouldn’t be  _ this  _ protective over his friend.

Jongin needs to get a grip. He needs to breathe.

Breathe in.

Breathe out. 

In.

_ Out. _

“Nope,” Jongin mutters under his breath, “Can’t do it.”

He’s never walked faster towards anyone in his entire life. Sehun’s a little surprised when Jongin suddenly appears next to him, but he relaxes anyway and wraps his arm around Jongin’s shoulder.

“Jongin!” he greets, all friendly and warm, “Hey, I’d like you to meet Yixing!”

“Hi, Jongin,” Yixing smiles, and Jongin’s heart drops. 

_ Yixing has dimples.  _

_ Yixing has a very nice smile.  _

_ Yixing is so fucking cute. _

_ Fuck. _

“Yixing’s here for a student exchange programme and he was asking me what’s good here,” Sehun explains to Jongin, smiling from ear to ear. He looks at Yixing, “You made a very good decision to come here instead of the ol’ Starbucks down the road. I might be biased, but this cafe really does serve the best coffee.”

Yixing chuckles, “Yeah, I’m glad I came here. If not, I wouldn’t meet you.”

_ Is that flirting? Is he flirting with Sehun?  _ Jongin thinks.  _ Right in front of Jongin? _

What makes Jongin relax a little is the fact that Sehun doesn’t see it as flirting at all. Instead, Sehun simply replies, “It’s your lucky day. I’m an expert of this town. Born and raised here.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes,” Sehun says proudly, “I’ll show you around someday, alright? I have a class to attend, so Jongin and I gotta dash.”

“Yeah, sure,” Yixing nods in understanding, “I’ll call you?”

“Yeah, I’ll look forward to it!” 

Jongin feels like his heart has climbed out of his chest and drops to the ground. He feels numb all over.

_ They’ve already exchanged numbers? _

Jongin wants to scream. 

Jongin doesn’t want to be bothered by it, but he can’t stop thinking about it at all. He’d rather die than admit that he’s jealous but god damn, he’s jealous alright. He never handles jealousy well. There were countless times when he acts up when he’s jealous and there was not a single time that he was mature and wise. He was petty and childish, and looking back at those moments, Jongin is ashamed of himself.

So he learnt his lesson to never show his true feelings when he’s jealous. He forces himself to ignore it, and by ignoring it, it means avoiding Sehun all day and giving him the cold shoulder when he sees him.

Like he said, petty.

“Alright, what’s going on with you?” Sehun practically slams his books on Jongin’s table at Papa’s Cafe, “What the fuck, Jongin? I waited for you at the library for an hour!”

“I texted you saying I couldn’t make it!”

“Yeah,  _ after _ I waited for you for an hour!” Sehun rolls his eyes, crossing his arms, “You said you’re sick, but you look fine to me!”

“Oh, so you’re a doctor now?”

“I’m literally a medic student, you want to take that tone with me?”

Jongin avoids Sehun’s gaze and doesn’t answer.

Sehun sighs, trying to calm his annoyance. Something is up with Jongin, and he needs to find out what. 

And he’s not going to get any answer if he’s angry. Jongin never responds to angry people.

“Jongin,” Sehun starts, his voice soft. Jongin feels himself melt, but he still stubbornly keeps his gaze away from Sehun, “What’s wrong? What did I do?”

“Nothing.” Jongin answers simply, and he’s not even lying. Sehun didn’t do anything wrong. Jongin’s at fault here, but he won’t admit that.

“Then something is making you so upset that you’re taking out on me. What? What is it?”

“I’m not taking out  _ anything  _ on you,” Jongin turns to look at Sehun, and that’s a big mistake because Sehun is looking at him with a gaze that reminds Jongin of a kicked puppy.

Jongin wants nothing more than to go across the table and shower Sehun with kisses and tell him that he’s a good boy.

No.  _ No, _ Jongin.  _ Get a grip. _

He turns his gaze away from Sehun.

“I’m okay, Sehun.”

“No, you’re not. You’re upset, and I want to know why. You were fine this morning but after you met Yix-” Sehun stops mid-sentence, his sharp brain instantly puts two and two together, “Jongin, is this about Yixing?”

“No.” Jongin lies.

“You literally ignore me the moment we got out of this cafe this morning.” Sehun says, “I saw your face when you met Yixing. You don’t like him?”

“What?” Jongin’s voice a little high-pitched, so he clears his throat and tries again, “I mean,  _ what _ ? No. I don’t know him so how can I form opinions about him?”

“Exactly, then why’re you mad at him?”

“I’m not mad!”

“You’re certainly not calm either.” 

“Y’know what, I’m done with this conversation.” Jongin remarks as he packs his bag and gets up, “I’ll see you around.”

“Will you?”

Jongin rolls his eyes and quickly gets out. He walks and walks, but his heart is racing from the previous encounter and he can’t stop thinking about he has royally fucked up again. The thought of Sehun going out with Yixing bothers him to no ends. It makes his chest hurt so badly that he feels like he can’t breathe. The thought of Sehun dating someone else makes his chest constrict. He doesn’t want that to happen. 

_ He  _ wants to date Sehun.  _ He _ wants to take him out on a date and make him smile. 

_ He  _ wants to be the one who makes Sehun happy.

It should be  _ him.  _ Not Yixing. Not any other man.

_ Him. _

“Jongin?” Sehun’s voice calls from behind him. Jongin turns around and finds Sehun looking at him, eyes filled with concern. He has Jongin’s student card in his hand. Apparently in the midst of packing everything, it slipped from Jongin’s bag, and Sehun caught up to him to give it back to him.

“Jongin, you’re not okay.” Sehun says, “Please tell me what’s wrong. I’m worried.”

Jongin shakes his head, “I-” he stammers, “I just…”

Jongin doesn’t complete his sentence. Sehun waits, but when Jongin doesn’t say anything, he pushes on, “Jongin, what?”

“Yixing.” Jongin manages to mutter.

“What about Yixing?”

“Don’t go out with him.” Jongin finally says, “Don’t show him around. Don’t call him. Don’t text him.” Jongin says. Sehun looks confused.

_ “Why?” _

_ Just tell him,  _ a voice in his head (which sounds awfully like Jongdae) says,  _ just tell him and get it over with. _

“Sehun, I’m no one.” Jongin blurts out, “I’m no one special. I’m your friend. I’m just… Jongin. I’m telling you to not go out with him because I want you to go out with  _ me. _ I know it’s selfish, and stupid, and I probably fucked up everything we have going on but I need you to know that I  _ like  _ you.” Jongin feels tears misting his eyes. His emotions overflowing, “Sehun, I like you so much. I know I’m nothing compared to Yixing, but I like you. If you’re interested in him, then I can’t stop you, but Sehun, look at me too. I like you. I want to be with you. Pick me. Choose me. I know I fucked up, but goodness, I like you so much.  _ I like you. _ ”

“ _ Jongin _ ,” Sehun stops Jongin from talking. He has his hands on Jongin’s shoulders. Jongin’s on the verge of panicking, but Sehun’s hands on him calm him down a little. 

Sehun smiles, “Okay. I won’t go out with Yixing.”

Jongin’s eyes widen, “You won’t?”

Sehun shakes his head, he looks like he’s trying to contain his laughter, “I mean, you definitely overreacted in the sense that you think I’m going to date him forreal when we literally just met this morning,” Sehun says, “Besides, he’s straight. I’m a man. I don’t think we’d work out.”

Jongin’s jaw drops. 

_ Yixing’s straight? _

So Jongin was petty the whole day for  _ nothing? _

“Next time, if you’re worried about anything, just ask.” Sehun smiles, releasing his hold on Jongin, “If you had asked, you’d know that Yixing’s straight. And if you had asked, you’d know that I’ve liked you ever since I met you, and I would love to go out with you.”

Jongin’s eyes widen comically. He gapes at Sehun like a fish, too shocked to digest what had just happened.

“Y-you like  _ me _ ?”

“Jongin, I like you too. I’ve liked you for a while now, but I thought you didn’t feel the same way.”

“I thought  _ you _ didn’t feel the same way!”

“Well I guess we’re both idiots then,” Sehun laughs, “Although, you’re the bigger idiot today because you made me worry for no reason at all.”

There’s no bite in Sehun’s tone, only teasing. Jongin blushes at that, “Well someone cute flirted with you, what was I supposed to think?”

“That he might not be flirting?” Sehun asks as if that’s the most obvious answer ever, “Whatever it is, he’s not my type. Even if he’s gay, I won’t see him that way.”

“Please, you’re just saying that to comfort me,” Jongin says as he turns and starts walking. Sehun walks alongside him.

“I’m not.”

“But Yixing is so cute!”

“Jongin,” Sehun says lovingly, “You’re  _ cuter. _ ”

Jongin’s sure that his face is probably as red as a tomato right now. He’s blushing and his face feels so hot from Sehun’s flirting, but he’s never been happier in his life. Sehun seems to notice how his words affected Jongin, and he is proud of himself for that, if the smirk on his face is any indicator of that.

Jongin, who doesn’t want to lose, simply nudges his shoulder and says, “Shut up.” and walks faster. Sehun runs to catch up with him, and when he gets to Jongin, he holds his hand, interlaces their fingers, and kisses Jongin’s hand. 

And they walk back to Jongin’s dorm like that. Hand in hand, and their hearts filled with love.


	2. part two

“You need to calm down,” Jongdae says while Jongin paces back and forth between his closet and the mirror. Jongin is deciding on his outfit for the date, so he picks random tops and trousers from the closet, looks at them in the mirror, decides they’re not cute enough and then goes back to repeat the process. He’s been doing this for almost an hour now, trying to match his outfits and deciding which ones are the best but literally nothing is good enough.

Jongin is losing his mind.

As for Jongdae, he comes when Jongin calls him in panic. Jongin acknowledges that Jongdae doesn’t know anything about fashion, but misery loves company and he needs someone to listen to him as he rambles on.

“Why didn’t you borrow something from Baekhyun?” Jongdae asks, doesn’t even bother to look up from his phone, “He has lots of clothes.”

Jongin glares at him, “You  _ know _ why, Dae.”

“I mean, if you talked to him, you might not be in this situation today?” Jongdae says, “And I’d be sleeping at my house instead of watching you worry about something that doesn’t even matter.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Of course it matters!” Jongin feels like pulling his hair out. He’s so stressed out, “This is my first date with Sehun! I want to look good!”

“Sehun doesn’t care about that, Jongin.” Jongdae rolls his eyes, putting down his phone and gets up “He’s already so whipped for you. He has been for a while now. You could be wearing a trash bag and he’d still think you’re cute. You two are disgusting like that.”

“We are?”

“You don’t know how many times I had to listen to him ramble about how cute you are.” Jongdae complains, as if remembering those was the most traumatizing moment of his life, “Trust me, just wear something you’re comfortable with and go have fun tonight. Who knows, clothes might be the last thing on your mind by the end of this date.”

“Dae!”

“I’m just saying!” Jongdae laughs, avoiding Jongin who tries to hit him with a pillow. Jongin laughs too, Jongdae might look like he doesn’t care, but sometimes he knows just the right thing to make Jongin feel a little bit better.

“Go have fun, Jongin,” Jongdae then says, he sounds sincere, genuinely happy for his friend, “You deserve to be happy.”

Jongin nods. 

Jongdae pats his shoulder and then gets up, “I gotta go. Have fun, okay? And don’t forget to use protection.”

This time, a pillow hits him right in his face.

////

Sehun and Jongin stick to their plan. For the first date, Jongin would do the planning. The next one would be Sehun. 

So, for this date, Jongin plans to get to know Sehun better. They might have known each other quite well by now as they spend time together every day, but Jongin knows that it would be different when they get to know each other as a couple than as friends. 

Jongin decides to take Sehun to his favourite restaurant downtown. He used to come here all the time, but now he barely has the time because his schedule is hectic. This place is like his reverie because barely anyone he knows ever goes here, so when he wants to escape and spends some time alone, he’d come here.

He never brings anyone here. Sehun’s the first.

He worried about Sehun’s opinion about the downtown. After all, it’s not exactly the safest nor the most pleasant place to go. However, once you get to know the nooks and crannies of this place, it’s actually pretty fun. Jongin’s learnt the safe places and the places to avoid, and he manages to navigate easily. Sehun doesn’t seem to be bothered at all. He lets Jongin guide him and listen attentively when Jongin talks. 

Jongin learns that although Sehun’s a picky eater, he is considerate of other people’s feelings. He knows that he might not eat a lot, so he doesn’t order a lot, and tries everything Jongin suggests. He makes sure to finish everything although he takes a while, and they spend hours at the restaurant just talking and enjoying each other’s company.

They banter, they laugh, they hold hands. 

Jongin hasn’t felt this happy in a long, long time. It’s almost scary how happy he is. It’s scary how he wants this moment to last forever. 

After eating, they walk around the neighbourhood for a while. They see many street vendors selling unique items that they can’t get uptown. Sehun is fascinated by a few weird sculptures so he stops by to buy some of them. Jongin simply watches, his heart swells with fondness upon seeing Sehun buying his collectibles and looking so excited.

Jongin lets Sehun spend some time in the store as he gets out for a bit. He sees people gathering around something, and curiosity got to him. Jongin goes to see what people are looking at, and finds that they’re watching a street performance. 

Jongin loves street performances. He used to perform himself so he appreciates the art of it. He watches the young man dance, mesmerized by how smooth and how precise his movements are. As Jongin is a dancer too, he tries to mimic his moves -- his legs and arms move on reflex, following the dancers routine in little movements. 

“Looks like you got it,” Sehun says from behind. Jongin smiles as Sehun stands by his side. 

“Yeah, I used to dance.”

“I can tell. Are you one of those dancers who can look at a routine and memorize it in a heartbeat?”

Jongin blushes. He is exactly like that, but he never says it out loud because it’s just weird flaunting his ability like that. Jongin has learnt dancing ever since he was a kid. His mom, despite their difficulties when Jongin was a kid, noticed how Jongin often copied the movements of dancers that he was watching on television. She realised Jongin’s passion for dancing before Jongin realised it himself, so she worked harder to get Jongin into a dance class.

Jongin’s been honing his talent ever since.

Dancing is in his blood, so it’s almost automatic that he observes dance moves closely every time he sees it. He watches the street performer dance and copies it slowly to himself, and despite him trying to be as discreet as he can, the street performer notices him.

He looks so ecstatic that someone’s dancing along, so he goes to Jongin and tries to pull Jongin to dance with him.

“Oh no.” Jongin tries to deny, feeling a little embarrassed when people, including Sehun, cheer for him to join the performer, “I can’t- I can’t…”

“You can do it!” Sehun says loudly when the cheers are getting louder, “Go!”

Jongin sees how people are eager to see him dance, and the street performers keep saying that it’s okay, so Jongin takes off his jacket and starts dancing.

It feels so good to dance again. Jongin hasn’t been able to attend his dance classes, but his body still moves fluidly, like there’s no bone in his body. He feels so free, so happy, so loved when people cheer for him. The adrenaline rush he gets is so addictive, and he dances and dances until his limbs ache.

At the end of the date, Sehun drives Jongin to his dorm. Jongin’s still coming down from his rush and he feels so elated, so happy that he can’t believe that the day’s over. 

“I had a great time today,” Sehun says as he parks in front of Jongin’s dorm, “Thank you.” Sehun takes Jongin’s hand and kisses it, “Really don’t want you to go.”

Jongin doesn’t want to go too. 

“Is there - is there gonna be a second date?”

Sehun chuckles, “Of course. You’ve set a very high bar though. How am I supposed to compete?”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” Jongin teases.

Sehun chuckles at Jongin’s remark, but says nothing further. They look at each other, their gaze holds a thousand things that they want to say to one another but don’t because it’s not the right time. Not yet. Jongin gets closer to Sehun, rests his forehead against Sehun’s as he breathes. He closes his eyes, sits there in silence, just relishing this moment.

It’s crazy how Sehun makes his heart beats so fast, yet he feels so calm, so at peace when he’s with Sehun. Sehun never judges him no matter what. Jongin’s not afraid to show his flaws, his weaknesses, his insecurities, his thoughts with him, and it’s crazy how intense his feelings are. It’s crazy how deeply in love he is.

“I really,  _ really  _ want to kiss you,” Sehun says, his voice barely a whisper.

Jongin nods.  _ Please. _

It doesn’t surprise Jongin that Sehun’s lips are soft, or that his hair feels like silk in his hands, or that he tastes like cherry candies. Jongin sighs into the kiss, a smile forming on his lips as he kisses Sehun deeply and passionately, wanting Sehun to remember him even when they part. Sehun returns the kiss just as eagerly, his hands trace the lines of Jongin’s neck and tilt Jongin’s head so that he can kiss Jongin properly. 

So that Jongin remembers him too.

They kiss passionately, intensely, and Jongin’s flexibility manages to get him from his seat onto Sehun’s lap. They make out like that for a while, Jongin grinding against Sehun, Sehun’s hands roaming on Jongin’s body, touching him everywhere before moving under Jongin’s shirt, caressing his hot skin.

Sehun’s so hard that it hurts, and he knows that Jongin knows that. However, Jongin, being the tease he is, pulls away when Sehun moves to the front of his pants. Sehun feels a little disoriented when Jongin suddenly breaks away from their kiss. They’re both panting heavily, both so turned on, so ready to move further. Sehun’s sure that they probably look like a mess too, but he doesn’t care.  _ He wants Jongin. _

But Jongin smiles before giving him a peck on his lips and gets up to move back into his seat. Sehun blinks, confused by the sudden change of situation.

He doesn’t think he should even ask because the last thing he wants is for Jongin to think that he’s only in this for sex. However, Jongin seems to read his mind as he turns to Sehun and caresses his cheek as he says, “I want to. I really want to, but I don’t want our first time to be in your car.”

Sehun doesn’t know how to respond to that. His brain short circuits the moment Jongin says that he wants to do it too.

“Just wait a little longer. When it happens, it’ll be good.”

Sehun chuckles, “You sound so sure.”

At that, Jongin smirks. He looks like a totally different person when he’s like this, and Sehun finds that so, so hot.

“Sehun, when it comes to this, I’m  _ always _ sure.”

Just like that, he gets out of the car, leaving Sehun’s body hot all over, turned on beyond belief.

And Sehun’s brain going on overdrive thinking  _ what the fuck did he mean by that _ ?

////

Sehun does end up arranging a spectacular date. For their second date, he brought Jongin out to dinner before bringing him to the planetarium that he rented out for the whole night for Jongin. They spent the night looking at the stars and talking about their dreams.

The third date, Jongin and Sehun went to the park. There’s nothing spectacular -- just them walking around the park, holding hands, and talking about their friends, families, and future plans. Jongin loves dates like this. He loves any date with Sehun because Sehun is so interesting and kind and sweet and never boring.

They go on dates every week, so Jongin always daydreams about his next date with Sehun. He feels so alive, invigorated,  _ in love _ . Even Jongdae’s teasing about how whipped he is for Sehun doesn’t bother him anymore because it’s true. He’s so whipped for Sehun and he can’t hide it even if he tries.

Jongin’s so excited for the next date that he even bought new clothes for it. Sure, it does seem a little too much to buy something just for one date, but Jongin knows Sehun likes seeing him all dressed up for him. And Jongin’s the type of person who likes dressing up for his partner.

Besides, tonight’s the fourth date. Jongin has told Sehun that he doesn’t put out until they’ve gone on a few more dates, until he’s sure about Sehun -- and now, Jongin’s sure. He  _ wants  _ to take the relationship to the next level, and if they end up doing it tonight, Jongin wants to look nice for him.

However, just two days before the date, he got a call from Sehun telling him that he can’t make it. Jongin can sense right away that Sehun’s not feeling well. His voice barely audible from the speaker and he can’t stop coughing. Jongin hasn’t seen Sehun at all this week because Sehun’s busy with club meetings and class presentations, so he misses Sehun more than usual. He also knows that just like him, Sehun is easily prone to sickness if he doesn’t take good care of his health, and since he’s so busy, Jongin knows that he didn’t eat or sleep well.

When it comes to this matter, they’re birds of the same feather.

Jongin’s ready to let this thing go, but on the day of the date itself, Jongin feels a little sad. He was looking forward to seeing Sehun but now the date was cancelled.

“Y’know, you can just go see him at his apartment?” Jongdae says when he’s grown tired of seeing Jongin brood at the cafe, “What kind of boyfriend are you, Jongin? Your boyfriend is sick and you’re brooding here?”

“He- he didn’t tell me to come visit.”

Jongdae sighs, rubbing his temple, “And I thought you’re one of the smartest people I know.” Jongdae sits in front of Jongin, “It’s common decency to visit your loved ones when they’re sick, Jongin! If he can’t bring you out on a date, you bring the date to him!” 

“Besides, hasn’t it been two days since he told you he’s sick? He’d at least feel a bit better now, if he’s not a total dumbass who forgets to take his medicine,” Jongdae gives Jongin a pointed look, Jongin rubs the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly when he remembers the time when Jongdae has to take him to the clinic twice because he keeps getting sick and keeps forgetting to take his medicine.

Another waiter came and places packed food on the table. Jongin looks at Jongdae questioningly, so Jongdae explains, “Sehun loves chicken soup here, so you’re gonna go back to your dorm, change into the shirt you bought the other day, and bring this soup to his place.”

“He-”

“Sehun tells me everything. For some reason he thinks of me as his best friend or something,” Jongdae rolls his eyes and pretends to be annoyed. However, his little smile betrays his seemingly nonchalant persona. Jongin knows he’s flattered and happy that Sehun thinks of him as his new best friend, “He told me not to tell you that he wishes you’d come visit him, but I’m betraying him for you, and telling you that Sehun’s waiting for you.”

Jongdae gets up and pulls Jongin to his feet, 

“Go see him.” 

////

Jongin’s glad that Sehun doesn’t seem too bad when he comes to visit. He can tell that Sehun’s still recovering, but the cold seems to have gone away and Sehun only needs to rest for a couple more days to restore his energy.

Sehun looks so happy when Jongin comes, so Jongin’s so thankful that Jongdae pushes him to do this. They have dinner, Jongin feeding Sehun the soup because Sehun is extra clingy after he’s sick and he refuses to eat on his own. Jongin knows that Sehun does that purposefully, but he doesn’t mind babying Sehun just this once. 

Then, they cuddle on the sofa in front of the fireplace. Jongin’s between Sehun’s legs, his back rests against Sehun’s front. Sehun has his arms around Jongin, and a blanket wrapping both of them. It’s so comfortable. It feels so right.

Sehun feels like home.

“Y’know,” Sehun starts, “When you came with those flowers, I was reminded of our first encounter.”

Jongin brought flowers when he came here. He knows that Sehun loves flowers, and he’s been wanting to get him one. Granted, he didn’t get the flowers from Mrs Jay, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

“I hope you like those flowers. Don’t throw it aw- I’m kidding!” Jongin quickly adds when Sehun tickles his side. He’s practically wrapped around Sehun right now, so Sehun has all the access to tickle him all he wants. He wishes Sehun wouldn’t because he’s very ticklish.

“I’m so glad I met you,” Sehun suddenly says, his tone serious, yet sincere, “Every day, I thank God that you brought those flowers to my door that day. You make me so happy, Jongin. I haven’t felt this way for anyone  _ ever _ .”

_ Even Chanyeol? _ Jongin wants to ask, but he figures it’s not the right time. So, he stays quiet and listens to Sehun.

“My feelings for you scares me sometimes.” Sehun says honestly, he doesn’t want to keep secrets from Jongin, “It scares me with its intensity. Sometimes when I see you, all I want to do is kiss you. Sometimes when you’re not with me, I miss you so much that my heart hurts. When you smile at me, I swear my heart beats so fast I couldn’t breathe.” 

He places a kiss on Jongin’s shoulder, rests his head there as his arms circles Jongin torse and hugs him tight, “I like you so much. So,  _ so  _ much.”

There’s something about this moment that feels so vulnerable, so raw. Jongin knows that Sehun’s not the type to speak his feelings because he’d rather show it. For him to bare his soul to Jongin like this, it feels special. 

Jongin feels special.

Jongin pulls away and turns to straddle Sehun’s lap. Sehun doesn’t even get to question anything as Jongin leans in and kisses Sehun softly on his lips.

_ I love you, _ Jongin wants to say, but he can’t say it yet.  _ Not just yet. _

He tries to show it through his actions, so he kisses Sehun deeply. His hands trace the lines of Sehun’s neck, and their kiss gets more heated, more passionate. It’s only a matter of time that they’re panting, gasping, lusting for more.

“ _ Please, _ ” Sehun says between kisses, “Please don’t blue ball me again.”

Jongin smiles as he pulls away. Sehun feels fear rising in his veins when Jongin does that, remembering their time in the car, but when Jongin kisses his jaw, and peppers more kisses down his neck, he releases a soft sigh. 

“Very well then,” Jongin whispers, his teeth grazing just under Sehun’s earlobe. Sehun inhales sharply at the sensation, closes his eyes, throws his head back as Jongin’s hand slowly creeps up torso and starts unbuttoning his shirt, “Since you can’t be patient…”

“I can’t,” Sehun wants to cry, he’s so hard and Jongin barely does anything yet, “On God, Jongin, I  _ can’t _ .”

“But patience is virtue,” Jongin teases, but he takes Sehun’s top off anyway before raking his eyes down Sehun’s body. He licks his lips, “Alright, perhaps it’s a bit overrated.”

Sehun laughs and pulls Jongin to him. He kisses Jongin on his lips, giving his everything until Jongin feels so disoriented by the kiss that he can’t think of anything but Sehun. He can feel Sehun’s length pressing against him through their jeans, and when Sehun rolls his hips up, Jongin shivers. 

Alright, he can’t wait too. He  _ certainly _ can’t wait.

Sehun, as if he could read Jongin’s mind, cups Jongin’s ass and pulls Jongin to him. He gets up, so Jongin quickly wraps his legs around Sehun’s waist to prevent himself from falling.

He doesn’t let go of Sehun, still kisses him, still leaving marks on every inch of skin he could get.

“Bedroom?” Sehun whispers.

_ “Please.” _

////

As their relationship progresses, Jongin and Sehun gets closer. So close that they are practically inseparable. They are yet to put any label on their relationship, but they love how things are going and decide to not go out with anyone else. They get to know each other better, and Jongin’s surprised by how fast Sehun learns. He remembers everything Jongin tells him, he memorizes the things Jongin likes and dislikes, he knows where to kiss to steal Jongin’s breath, he knows which spots to touch to make Jongin’s knees buckle, cheeks flush, and eyes flutter shut. 

They go on dates. They kiss and make out. They have sex.

They’re happy.

One day, Jongin takes a picture of them together, and asks Sehun if he could upload it on his Instagram. Sehun says yes.

Jongin does just that, and captions it with a heart emoji. He then turns the comments off to avoid answering questions. Sehun does the same. 

They didn’t post anything about each other on Instagram before because they’d like to keep things just between them. None of their friends knew about their relationship, and they liked it at first. 

Now, it feels like they should take the next step, and that’s what they did.

Right now, Jongin’s at his usual booth in Papa’s Cafe. He’s studying for his test next week. The last test of the semester before he can go on a semester break. Jongin feels so at peace, so happy that his life is so organized and so right at the moment. Everything is going so well. He’s about to get his well deserved break after a hellish semester, he’s going to visit his parents, and he’s planning a trip with Sehun.

Overall, everything’s great.

That is until Jongdae sits in front of him and looks at him seriously.

“We need to talk.”

_ Uh-oh. _

That’s not a good sign.

“About what?”

“What else?” Jongdae says, “Baekhyun.”

As time goes by, Baekhyun gets even more distant from both Jongin and Jongdae. More Jongin than Jongdae because Jongin is sure that the two still talk from time to time. Jongin hates feeling excluded, so this matter has been bothering him for weeks. However, he’s been busy with his work, assignments, and now Sehun, so he doesn’t have time to be sad about things that he can’t control.

“Has he been answering your calls?” Jongin asks.

Jongdae shakes his head, “He hasn’t. I still see him in class but we don’t get to talk. But Jongin, I’m worried,” Jongdae sighs, running his hand through his hair, “He’s a mess. I can tell that he hasn’t been sleeping, and his eyes… he’s been crying too. I know you think he doesn’t want to see you but even if that’s true, don’t you think you should go and find out why?”

Jongin hesitates. It’s not that he doesn’t  _ want _ to contact Baekhyun. He tried contacting him many times before. He even waited outside his class to see him face to face. Over time, it becomes so apparent that Baekhyun is avoiding him and it hurts Jongin that Baekhyun would not confide in him about the reason. They’re supposed to be best friends, but why does it feel like Jongin is the only who tries? Is he the only one who considers Baekhyun his best friend?

“Look, I know you’re hurt too. I know I can’t force you to do anything, but if you ask me, Baekhyun misses you too.” Jongdae says, “He asked me about you and Sehun, you know?”

“He did?”

“Yes.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Nothing more than what you tell me. That you two are seeing each other and getting to know each other better.” Jongdae answers, “My point is, if he doesn’t care about you anymore, why would he ask? He misses you, Jongin. He wonders how you’re doing. He wants to know your wellbeing. That sounds like someone who still cares.”

“If he still cares, why didn’t he contact me?” Jongin replies stubbornly, “He has a phone, hasn’t he?”

“I don’t know, Jongin. I really don’t know.” Jongdae says. He knew Jongin would say that, but he’s disappointed anyway, “Anyway, I’m just telling you that. I still try to see him from time to time although he keeps pushing me away. I just - he’s my friend, so I won’t give up on him no matter what. But if you have, then my hands are tied. I just thought you’d try harder since y’know, he’s your best friend.”

Before Jongin gets to retaliate, Jongdae gets up, “I’m done with this conversation. I gotta go back to work.”

////

Jongin can’t stop thinking about Jongdae’s words. He’s annoyed.

First of all, who the hell does Jongdae think he is to question Jongin’s loyalty to Baekhyun? Who is he to think that Jongin has stopped caring? Who is he to tell Jongin about what Baekhyun feel? About how Jongin feels? Who is he to judge Jongin’s effort in getting Baekhyun back?

Jongin is fuming. He’s so angry that he can’t sleep. He turns in his bed, and then turns again, and then he gets a wave of anger coursing through him that he has to punch his pillows to release some of that frustration.

He closes his eyes, trying to force himself to sleep. However, his brain goes into overdrive thinking about Jongdae’s words.

As he thinks, his anger dissipates and quickly replaced by uncertainty and sadness. 

What if Jongdae’s right? What if Baekhyun’s been having a rough time and he’s just waiting for someone to reach out? What if Baekhyun sees how close Jongin has been with Sehun and feels replaced? What if Baekhyun stops considering him as his best friend because he thinks Jongin has stopped considering him as his?

What if Jongdae’s right, and Jongin should have tried harder?

With that, Jongin knows that he’s not getting any sleep tonight. In fact, he doesn’t think he will ever find peace unless he settles this thing once and for all.

Thus, without thinking twice, he gets up from his bed and walks to Baekhyun’s dorm. Baekhyun’s dorm is only a couple of blocks away from his, but Jongin, in the midst of his emotional turmoil, had forgotten to wear his jacket or hoodie, so by the time he reaches Baekhyun’s room, he’s freezing in his pyjamas.

He knocks the door hard and unrelenting. He hears someone move inside the room, so he knows that Baekhyun’s inside. 

If Baekhyun thought he could avoid Jongin, he thought wrong because Jongin doesn’t care if he turns blue, he’ll stay here until Baekhyun talks to him.

Fortunately, Baekhyun opens the door. His eyes widen when he sees Jongin at the door, all pale, shivering from head to toe.

“Jongin what are y-”

“A-are you alone?” Jongin asks through gritted teeth, hugging his own body for warmth.

“Yeah, my roommate’s out-” Baekhyun says but doesn’t finish his sentence because Jongin pushes the door and gets in. Baekhyun looks at him in confusion.

Jongin heaves a relieved sigh as he enters Baekhyun’s warm room. He quickly gets to Baekhyun’s bed and takes a blanket, wrapping the said blanket around his body.

Baekhyun doesn’t say anything when Jongin tries to warm himself up. He simply takes his flask on the table and pours hot tea into a cup before handing it to Jongin.

“Here, drink this,” he instructs, “Finish it.”

And Jongin does that. He feels better now, warmer than before, and more comfortable.

“Um, what’s the matter?” Baekhyun asks awkwardly, keeping his distance from Jongin. Jongin, who stands up to give Baekhyun some space on the bed because he expects Baekhyun to come sit next to him so that they could talk, feels a pang of hurt in his chest when Baekhyun stays away from him. Baekhyun looks so awkward, so out of place, like Jongin’s not his best friend for the last two years.

Like they’re nothing but strangers.

It hurts Jongin more than he can say.

“What did I do to you?” his voice breaks, and he cries. He feels so silly for crying in someone else’s dorm in the middle of the night in his old sweatpants and oversized shirt, still shivering from the cold because he couldn’t be bothered with a jacket earlier. How can he ever be calm when his best friend is treating him like this?

This has bothered him for so long. He knew he’s losing his best friend. He knew something was wrong and he wanted to fix it but he didn’t know how. In their relationship, it’s always Baekhyun who does the fixing. He’s the smart one, the patient one, the wise one. But Jongin feels alone now.

He’s kept all these emotions inside him, but now everything pours out because he can’t hold it in anymore.

He  _ hates _ feeling alone.

“Jongin, you didn’t do anything.” Baekhyun replies, a little alarmed by Jongin’s sudden outburst. He makes his way to Jongin and envelops him into a hug, something that he always does when Jongin’s upset. He’s done this so many times that it has become a reflex for him to immediately hug Jongin when he realises that Jongin’s upset.

“Oh my God, dude, you’re actually crying?” Baekhyun whispers when Jongin hugs him back tightly and just…  _ cries. _ Jongin doesn’t even care about his ego right now. He doesn’t think about how dumb or pathetic he looks. All he cares is that Baekhyun’s here. And he’s not pulling away.

They stay like that until Jongin calms down. When he does, Baekhyun lets Jongin go and tells him to sit on the bed. He goes to get him more blankets and returns with a few thick ones. He wraps Jongin in them without saying a word, and Jongin never lets his eyes off Baekhyun.

“You can spend the night here.” Baekhyun says, a warm smile on his lips, “What were you thinking? Coming here without a jacket? It probably 0 degrees outside, for crying out loud!”

“I- I need to talk to you.” Jongin replies lamely. He feels a bit better after crying his feelings out and is now wrapped in Baekhyun’s blanket, but he still remembers why he rushes here in the first place.

Baekhyun’s smile falters, “Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

Jongin shakes his head.

“You might avoid me again, like what you’ve been doing these past few weeks.”

“Jongin…”

“Why? Why were you avoiding me? What did I do?”

Jongin knows that Baekhyun’s uncomfortable with the situation he’s in right now, but he doesn’t look surprised by the question at all. He stops fussing with Jongin’s blanket and pulls away. Jongin half-expects him to come up with some excuse, but much to his surprise, Baekhyun simply sighs.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Baekhyun says, “A lot of things have happened, and I was really, really overwhelmed. I guess I just needed to think, needed some time for myself, so that’s why I’ve been keeping my distance.”

“What’s going with you?  _ What happened _ ?” Jongin prodes, curious to know, “Baek, I’m here for you, you know that. You don’t have to go through everything alone.”

Baekhyun sighs, “I’m okay, Jongin. I promise. Don’t worry about me.”

Jongin wants to ask further, but he knows that there’s no point pressuring Baekhyun into giving any answer if he doesn’t want to. He wants to let the matter go, but he is afraid that Baekhyun might do the exact same thing he did for the past couple of months and Jongin is going to start worrying again.

He also hates that whatever Baekhyun is going through right now, it is enough to put such immense pressure on Baekhyun that he feels like he has to do it alone without his friends. Without Jongin. 

Jongin can’t have that happening to Baekhyun. He needs to prod further. He needs to know the reason why Baekhyun’s been avoiding him.

“I know that I don’t have to worry about you, but I’m still your friend, so like it or not, I  _ care  _ about you. You practically ghosted on me and Jongdae. You didn’t answer my calls, you avoided Jongdae, you stopped hanging out with us.” Jongin recalls everything, “This is unlike you. Back then, even when things got overwhelming, you always let me help. What happened to you that you changed?”

He tried. He really tried to think of only the positive things, but he can’t find a good reason why Baekhyun’s been avoiding him. He’s been thinking about it for weeks and he still hasn’t found the answer.

Because of that, Jongin can’t help but to think of the worst. 

“Is it something that I did?” Jongin asks, “Is it because of me and Sehun? You don’t like Sehun?”

At the mention of Sehun’s name, Baekhyun’s expression changes. And Jongin knows right away that he’s found the answer.

“It’s Sehun, isn’t it?” Jongin says, pulling Baekhyun to him when he tries to move away, “Don’t run from me, Baekhyun. It’s Sehun, right? You hate him?”

“I don’t hate him!”

Jongin frowns, “Do you even know him?”

Baekhyun keeps his mouth shut. He tries so hard to avoid Jongin’s stare, hoping that if he doesn’t say anything long enough, Jongin would back away like he always does. 

Unfortunately for him, Jongin is adamant -- not even Baekhyun’s stubbornness can beat Jongin’s curiosity tonight.

Baekhyun knows he can’t run away anymore.

“Fine. Yes,” Baekhyun starts, finally admitting defeat, “Yes, I know him.”

“ _ What? _ But I’ve never introduced you two!”

“Isn’t it obvious? I know him _ before  _ you know him.” Baekhyun answers calmly.

Jongin blinks. He has no idea what he expected, but he definitely did  _ not  _ expect that.

Baekhyun understands why Jongin would be confused. He hates how twisted everything has turned out to be too, but if he were going to explain everything to Jongin, he needs to be precise. So, Baekhyun takes a deep breath and exhales, trying to pull himself together because he’s about to tell Jongin the secret he’s been keeping for a while.

“I’ll tell you everything,” Baekhyun starts, putting his hand on Jongin’s, “But promise me you won’t judge me. Promise you won’t get mad at me. Once I’m done, you’ll realise that I’m not a good person. Hell, I’m not even sure if you still want to be my friend but I-”

“Baekhyun, you’re scaring me.” Jongin says. He hates how serious this matter is, and it puts Jongin in a more difficult situation because now it involves the two people he cares about the most - Baekhyun and Sehun. 

_ How did Baekhyun know Sehun? What’s their history? What about them that Baekhyun didn’t want Jongin to know? _

“I’m so sorry, Jongin.” Baekhyun starts, “I never meant for any of it to happen - I made a complete mess of everything and I tried to fix it but…”

“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry about that.” Jongin holds Baekhyun’s hand tightly in his, “Just… just tell me everything. Start with the very beginning.”

Baekhyun doesn’t say anything for a while. Jongin takes the silence as Baekhyun thinking of how to explain everything without confusing him, so he waits patiently.

“Remember Mystery Guy?” 

“The guy you dated but didn’t want to tell me and Jongdae?” Jongin asks, an eyebrow raised, “What about him?”

“Well…” Baekhyun hesitates. He sighs and puts his face in his palms, “Gosh, there’s no good way to tell you this.”

Jongin tries to piece things together. He considers Baekhyun’s hesitation right now, Baekhyun’s avoidance, Baekhyun’s disappearance once Sehun enters Jongin’s life. Jongin feels dread rising in his guts when things get clearer and pieces of everything comes together.

“Baekhyun,” he croaks, he can barely get the words out because he’s so shocked, “Is he- Is Mystery Guy, _ Sehun _ ?”

“Jongin, it’s complicated. I was selfish. I never asked, never even cared. I was greedy, toxic, and overall a terrible person - and I still punish myself for that. Until this very day.”

Jongin’s heart drops. Sehun… and  _ Baekhyun? _ He feels his throat constricts, like he can’t breathe.

“I hurt Sehun, Jongin. I never wanted to face him because I’ve hurt him so badly. I was terrible to him and I’m ashamed of myself.”

“What did you do to him?” Jongin asks although he fears of the answer, “Is he the Mystery Guy? Baekhyun, answer me, please.”

Jongin gets flashbacks of the times Baekhyun talked about Mystery Guy. He remembers Baekhyun telling him that Mystery Guy was the sweetest man he’s ever known, how Mystery Guy treated and loved him right. Mystery Guy made Baekhyun feel like no man ever did, and although Baekhyun never admitted it out loud, Jongin knew that Baekhyun was in love.

He was so in love that he was glowing. Jongin has known Baekhyun for years, and that was the happiest he’s ever seen Baekhyun.

And to think that Jongin’s falling for the same man....

“Jongin, Sehun’s not him. He’s not the Mystery Guy.”

Jongin blinks. The fear he felt just now dissipated and replaced by nothing but utter confusion.

“If it’s not him, then who?”

“It’s Chanyeol.” Baekhyun answers, pained “Chanyeol’s my Mystery Guy.”

Jongin’s eyes widen in shock. 

“ _ Chanyeol _ ?” Jongin shrieks, “You were dating  _ Chanyeol _ ?”

“Jongin, please don’t freak out…”

“You’re the one who broke them off?” Jongin asks in disbelief, “Chanyeol cheated on Sehun with you?”

“Jongin please. I can explain. Let me explain” Baekhyun pleads. Just like Jongin, he’s on the verge of crying too. The sight of Baekhyun all vulnerable like this makes Jongin weak. 

Despite his heart racing like crazy, Jongin allows Baekhyun to continue.

////

_ “Chanyeol, what are we?”  _

_ Baekhyun and Chanyeol were at Chanyeol’s apartment. It’s 9 p.m, and they just had takeouts and were watching a movie together. Chanyeol had his arms around Baekhyun and Baekhyun’s resting his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. Baekhyun felt so comfortable like this. They usually went out of town for a date and while that was fun and spontaneous, Baekhyun preferred lazy night in like this.  _

_ This was what he loved best -- being in the comfort of Chanyeol’s apartment, basking in the warmth of Chanyeol’s body. _

_ All his life, Baekhyun hadn’t known what home was, but when he met Chanyeol, he finally knew what people were talking about.  _

_ Chanyeol was his home. _

_ Baekhyun knew that asking this question out of the blue was not the best idea, especially when they’re having such a nice moment, but if he didn’t ask now, he’d never ask ever. This question had plagued his mind for weeks now so before Baekhyun drove himself crazy thinking of the what-ifs, he blurted the question and hoped for the best. _

_ If he were to be honest, he did not know what to expect. He felt terrible for expecting the best outcome because he was the bad guy here.  _

_ He’s the one dating a man who’s already in a relationship. He’s the one who still chose to be with him even after knowing that he already had a boyfriend. He’s the one who kept pushing Chanyeol to leave Sehun and be with him.  _

_ In every single way, Baekhyun knew that he’s the bad guy.  _

_ He knew he was selfish for wanting Chanyeol all to himself. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel bad. However, Baekhyun spent his time growing up being alone, sacrificing his own happiness for his family, doing everything to please other people, putting himself second to others -- so what if he wanted to be selfish just this once?  _

_ Why couldn’t he selfish when it came to the love of his life? _

_ “You love me, right?” Baekhyun asked softly, his voice filled with fear and uncertainty. Chanyeol, being an observant person he was, noticed that, so he reached for the remote to pause the movie and turned to face Baekhyun properly. _

_ “Why did you ask that?” _

_ “Why not?” Baekhyun answered, folding his legs to his body, as if trying to protect himself from something, “I just want to hear you say you love me.” _

_ Chanyeol looked at him, not quite believing what he said because there were times when Baekhyun took the exact same tone, and it’s always because he was insecure about something and wanted Chanyeol to comfort him. _

_ “I love you,” Chanyeol said anyway, “I love you the most.” _

_ Usually, when Chanyeol said that, Baekhyun would relax and hug him. But now, Baekhyun remained in the same spot. _

_ “You didn’t lie when you said that, did you?” _

_ “I didn’t.” Chanyeol said, “You know I meant every word.” _

_ Baekhyun nodded and didn’t say anything for a while.  _

_ Chanyeol was beginning to think that perhaps that was it. Perhaps Baekhyun only needed some reassurance. When Baekhyun still didn’t say anything, he grabbed the remote from the table, but just as he was about to play the movie again, Baekhyun spoke. _

_ “But you also love Sehun,” Baekhyun said with a strain in his voice. _

_ At that, Chanyeol froze. _

_ Now, it’s his turn to not say anything. Baekhyun made no move to go anywhere. He waited for Chanyeol to say something. Anything. _

_ “I do.” Chanyeol answered after a while, “You know that too.” _

_ The whole situation was not right. Baekhyun knew that, Chanyeol knew that. They knew they were doing all the wrong things. Chanyeol knew that he was playing with the feelings of not one, but two people. Every time he’s with Baekhyun, he knew that he’s betraying Sehun. Every time he’s with Sehun, he knew that Baekhyun was somewhere out there, hurt. _

_ He’s hurting the two people he loved the most. Yet, although he was a cheater, he never lied about what he felt. He loved Baekhyun, but he loved Sehun too. _

_ “You needed time to think, but it’s been a month, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said slowly, his voice barely a whisper, “I told you I can’t keep doing this. I can’t be someone you fuck on the side before you go back to your loving boyfriend. I know I make it seem like I’m okay being that person, but it hurts, Chanyeol. It hurts seeing you go back to him when I want you all to myself. I don’t want to be the second person anymore. I want to be your only one.” _

_ “You can’t have us both. You need to choose. Me, or him?” Baekhyun said with finality in his tone. He hated doing this because he knew that he’s putting Chanyeol in a tough spot. He knew he’s hurting Chanyeol because Chanyeol loved Sehun too. He loved Baekhyun - Baekhyun knew that - but Sehun was his first love. Before Baekhyun, Sehun was the only love he knew. _

_ What he had with Baekhyun was new, exciting, exhilarating. They’re crazy for each other. What they did with each other was wrong but their love felt right. _

_ When Chanyeol turned away, not answering his question, Baekhyun’s heart broke a little more. _

_ “Every time I wanted to talk about Sehun, you’d find a way to avoid me. Now, you’re refusing to look at me because you want me to drop this topic. I can’t do this anymore,” Baekhyun said, tears welling in his eyes and his heart hurt so, so much, “If you don’t want to end this, then I’m ending this. I’m serious when I said that we can’t do this forever. And we won’t, because this,” Baekhyun gestured between them, “This is over.” _

_ That made Chanyeol turn to him, his large doe eyes filled with dread. Baekhyun was about to get up but Chanyeol grabbed his hand and pulled him back, his grip so tight that Baekhyun winced in pain, but Chanyeol didn’t let go. _

_ Baekhyun’s tired. He’s heartbroken. He’s sick of everything. He’s tired of begging. He’s tired of hoping.  _

_ He wanted Chanyeol to pick him. He wanted him to leave Sehun and be with him. He wanted to be the first choice for once.  _

_ Just once. _

_ Chanyeol tugged Baekhyun’s hand to him, earning a surprised yelp from Baekhyun. He then kissed Baekhyun deeply, wrapping his arms tightly around the man. Baekhyun froze, shocked by the sudden change of behaviour, but as Chanyeol’s lips moved against his, he melted completely in his arms. _

_ “It’s you,” Chanyeol whispered between kisses, “It’s always you. I want you. Just you. No one else.” _

_ Baekhyun’s eyes watered, and he was crying. Their kisses were wet, mostly because both of them were crying, and they knew that they probably looked disgusting right now but they didn’t care. They had each other -- and that’s all that mattered. _

_ “Don’t leave me,” Chanyeol sobbed, he trailed kisses down Baekhyun’s jaw. Baekhyun threw his head back to give Chanyeol better excess, “Don’t ever leave me.” _

_ Baekhyun shook his head, “Never.” _

_ They’re so lost in each other that they didn’t even realise that someone’s knocking on the front door. Only when Chanyeol’s roommate, Minseok, rushed out of his room to get the door that they realised. _

_ “You two are infuriating,” Minseok muttered, earning chuckle from both Baekhyun and Chanyeol, “I was on the phone with my mom, for God’s sake.” _

_ “Sorry, Minseok,” Chanyeol replied, but Minseok simply answered with glare before going to the door.  _

_ “Now, where were we?” Chanyeol asked, and Baekhyun replied by placing a chaste kiss that quickly deepened when Chanyeol wrapped his arms around Baekhyun and pulled him to his body. _

_ “Hey! Hey! Who the hell are you?!” Minseok yelled from the front door, “You can’t go in, what the fuck!” _

_ Baekhyun and Chanyeol pulled apart, and much to their horror, there stood Sehun. Right at the entrance of the living room, looking at them with nothing but disbelief and disappointment. Baekhyun felt like his entire body had frozen. He couldn’t move. He felt cold all over, numb from head to toe. Sehun mostly looked at Chanyeol, but when he looked at Baekhyun, his eyes were unreadable - and Baekhyun had never felt more filthy. _

_ “I can’t believe you, Chanyeol,”  _

_ Chanyeol quickly pushed Baekhyun from his lap. Sehun shook his head and turned to leave. He didn’t say anything nor show any more emotion that could help Baekhyun make sense of what just happened, but Baekhyun knew that in Sehun’s eyes, he was nothing more than a whore who stole his boyfriend right before his eyes. In Sehun’s eyes, Baekhyun’s nothing more than just filth. _

_ And to make things worse, if Baekhyun could see himself right now, he’d think of the exact same thing. _

_ When he looked at Chanyeol, he saw that Chanyeol looked so scared and heartbroken. He was so alarmed -- Baekhyun had never seen him like that, and just like that, Baekhyun made sense of what’s going on. _

_ In the end, Chanyeol might love him, but he’d never let go of his history with Sehun.  _

_ Baekhyun promised to never leave Chanyeol, but Chanyeol would never make the same promise. He might love Baekhyun but he’d always fear losing Sehun. _

_ Chanyeol got up from the couch and quickly ran after Sehun, further proving Baekhyun’s assumption. Baekhyun cried, feeling shame pouring upon him when Minseok got into the living room, finally understanding what’s going on. He simply shook his head at Baekhyun before going into his room, and Baekhyun felt so, so filthy. _

_ He couldn’t stand being in this room anymore, so he got his jacket and went out the door.  _

_ He walked, and walked, and walked -- not sparing a single thought of where he was going. He was in so much pain that it felt surreal to think that just moments ago he was on cloud 9, at the top of the world, kissing the love of his life. _

_ Now, the weight of the world was on his shoulders. _

_ Perhaps this was what he deserved for being selfish. Karma always came back to bite, and bite it did. _

_ Baekhyun kept walking and unfortunately, just a few minutes later, found himself just a few feet away from Chanyeol and Sehun. He gasped. Seeing them together made everything hurt even more, and Baekhyun did not want to face them at all.  _

_ So he quickly hid behind the wall, hoping to God that they didn’t see him. _

_ “... let me go!” _

_ “Sehun, please. Just listen to me!” _

_ “What else could you say? You know how I felt about us, but you kept saying you’d change. Is this the change you mean?” _

_ “I know you’re upset…” _

_ “Upset? I’m not upset!” Sehun exclaimed almost hysterically, “Not for the reason you think, at least!” _

_ “Sehun, don’t do this. You know I love you.” _

_ “Chanyeol, please. You know the truth, and just because you’re afraid to admit it, doesn’t mean it is less true. Just… c’mon, don’t do this.” he added when Chanyeol moved closer to him, wanting to hold him. _

_ “Don’t do this to me, Sehun,” he said, Baekhyun could hear his tears, and Baekhyun felt his heart constrict, “Don’t leave me. Don’t give up on us.” _

_ “I didn’t give up, Chanyeol. You did. You did it when you chose him.” Sehun said, his voice cold and devoid of any emotion, “You did this to us.” _

_ Baekhyun couldn’t hear it any longer. He didn’t want to know what Chanyeol say afterwards. He didn’t think he could take it. _

_ So Baekhyun ran. He ran as fast as he could. _

_ //// _

“It was you.” Jongin whispers, mostly to himself but Baekhyun hears him anyway, “It’s you all along.”

“I take Sehun has told you about how his ex-boyfriend slept with this  _ selfish  _ asshole who didn’t respect other people’s relationship?” Baekhyun says bitterly, “Yes, I was that selfish asshole. It’s me all along.”

Jongin looks at Baekhyun in disbelief. His feelings are all mixed up. He feels disgusted that Baekhyun would do something so terrible, but at the same time he knows that Baekhyun is naive when it comes to love. He knows that it’s difficult for Baekhyun to open up to anyone, and he knows how much Chanyeol meant to Baekhyun. 

Jongin understands that it must have not been easy for Baekhyun either, torn between his morale and his desire. 

And he can’t even be mad at Baekhyun, not when even Sehun is not mad at him. Sehun said the relationship was dead, broken beyond repair, and what Chanyeol and Baekhyun did was just the push to end it for good. Sehun was disappointed, but he was not angry. 

_ If Sehun wasn’t angry, then who was Jongin to be angry? _

“I know you’re mad at me,” Baekhyun’s voice barely a whisper, “I’m mad at me too. I’m ashamed of what I did. I hate myself for it. If I could turn back the time and undo everything, I would.”

“I’m not mad at you. A little disappointed, but I’m not mad.” Jongin says honestly, “Baekhyun, what you did was terrible, but I know you’re sorry. I  _ believe  _ you’re sorry.” He sighs, “Have you apologized to Sehun?”

Baekhyun shakes his head, “I couldn’t even find it in me to face him. After everything that happened that night, I called Chanyeol the next day and ended everything through the phone. I couldn’t see him face to face because I knew he’d coax me to stay, and I’d say yes like an idiot I am,” 

Baekhyun sighs before continuing, “I want to meet Sehun, but everytime I see him in the campus, I run. Until this day, whenever I see him, I turn the other way. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to face him - I’m too embarrassed.”

“Baek,” Jongin starts, “Sehun’s not mad at you, you know?”

“Maybe he’s over it by now, but I’m not.” Baekhyun says sadly, “When I found out that you’re seeing him, I knew I had to stay away. I didn’t want him to find out that you’re my friend because if he knew, I might ruin things for you even though you have nothing to do with what happened between the three of us. Jongdae told me that you liked him -- and that was a clear sign that I should stay away.”

Baekhyun chuckles bitterly, “And sometimes I was jealous too? I despised him because he got all your attention and he’s all that you talked about. It’s so stupid to be jealous, I know, especially coming from me, but…” He smiles, albeit forced, “Sometimes I think maybe losing you was my punishment. Maybe the universe was teaching me how it feels like to lose someone important to someone else, and I felt like I was losing you - and it hurts. But I deserve it, so I didn’t say anything.”

“Baek, what the fuck? You’re  _ not  _ losing me.” Jongin says adamantly, “You’ll _ never  _ lose me. Losing me will  _ not  _ be your punishment because like it or not, you’re stuck with me. Until the very end.” 

“Really?” Baekhyun’s voice cracks, tears fall down his cheeks, “You won’t leave me even after all I did?”

“No! I won’t leave you, and I mean it,” Jongin insists, holding Baekhyun’s hand tightly, “I’ll never do that to you. You’re my best friend, and you’ll always have me.”

“I’m so sorry, Jongin.” Baekhyun cries, “I hate that I disappointed you and-”

“Hey, no,” Jongin quickly interrupts, “You didn’t disappoint me. I know that you can be the strongest you can be, but there’ll always be one person who’ll get you at your weakest. Chanyeol’s your weakness.”

“It’s just…” Baekhyun stops, his sobbing starts getting out of control and he has to compose himself. But he cries. He hasn’t cried about this ever since he left Chanyeol, and there’s a lot of unresolved pain in him that breaks out the moment he puts his guard down. 

He feels Jongin’s arms around him, pulling him into a hug. At that, Baekhyun bawls. He screams, he cries. He lets everything out, and Jongin holds him through it. He pulls him close and lets Baekhyun cry. The front of his shirt is wet from tears, but he doesn’t care. Baekhyun needs him -- and he’s here.

Baekhyun has ignored his pain for months, now he feels everything all at once. He sobs, “I love him so much, Jongin.  _ I love him _ .”

“I know,” Jongin whispers, rubbing Baekhyun’s back to try to comfort him, “I know you love him.”

Baekhyun cries, “Why didn’t he choose _ me _ ?  _ What’s wrong with me _ ?”

Jongin doesn’t answer because he doesn’t know. He doesn’t say anything as he holds Baekhyun through the night. He lets Baekhyun cry, lets Baekhyun feel.

Baekhyun’s pent up pain and emotions bleed out of him that night, and Jongin holds him tight as he cries, and as he feels it all.

////

After that night, Jongin feels like he has gotten his best friend back. 

Baekhyun no longer avoids his calls. He starts hanging out with Jongin and Jongdae again, and Jongin sees that he looks happier now, perhaps beginning to forgive himself. Jongin feels like everything is somewhat right again, except for the incessant nagging at the back of his mind about his status with Sehun.

Baekhyun is still too scared to see Sehun. When Jongin says that Sehun is at the cafe with him, Baekhyun would come up with a thousand excuses to avoid meeting them there. When he invites Sehun to his dorm, Baekhyun would cancel their study dates. After some time, Jongin stops talking about Sehun altogether because he hates how Baekhyun tenses whenever Sehun’s name is mentioned, and how he immediately pulls away from the conversation without even realizing it.

Jongin thinks it sucks that he can’t share this part of his life with his friend, but what can he do when Baekhyun refuses to meet Sehun?

“I think he’s being selfish again.” Jongdae says honestly when they’re having lunch together and Jongin fills him in with the details about the entire situation, “He knows Sehun means a lot to you but he keeps this energy around you. What’s his plan, really? He went from being Chanyeol’s secret to _ your s _ ecret, and he’s hiding from the same person too!”

Jongin sighs and puts his sandwich down. He doesn’t have much of an appetite anymore, “I don’t know. It’s not that I can force him to do anything. You know how he is.”

“Does Sehun know about him?”

Silence.

“You didn’t tell him you’re friends with Baekhyun?!”

“I didn’t get the chance to do it!”

“You see him pretty much every day; what do you mean you never got the chance to do it?” Jongdae exclaims, “Don’t you two talk? What do you usually do when you meet?”

“Do you really want to know?”

Jongdae makes a face, “Okay, spare me the details. I don’t wanna know.”

Jongin chuckles before continuing, “I mean, he knows Baekhyun, but mostly as my friend who is “never there” because well, Baekhyun’s never there when I wanted to introduce them.” Jongin explains, “To be honest, I don’t even know if I’d ever let them meet.”

“Why not?”

“Why n- have you been listening?” 

“I did.” Jongdae replies, “I think all Baekhyun needs is a chance to face Sehun and apologize properly. So,  _ let’s see _ ,” Jongdae pretends to be in deep thought, “Baekhyun needs to apologize. The person he needs to apologize to is Sehun. And who knows Sehun? That’s right.  _ You _ !  _ You _ know Sehun. Sehun likes  _ you _ . Sehun will listen to  _ you. _ So  _ you _ bring Sehun to Baekhyun, leave them to talk. They make amends, and things are settled. So the key here is  _ you _ .”

“It’s not gonna be  _ that  _ easy.”

Jongdae sighs dramatically, one hand on his forehead, one head on his chest, “One of these days, you kids will take pity of poor old me and make things easier for yourselves.” 

When Jongin doesn’t answer, Jongdae stops his dramatics and sighs, “Just - just listen to me on this one. Just talk to Sehun, and sort this thing out because Jongin,” he pauses, he looks worried now, “Believe me, when it comes to secrets, the longer you keep it, the worse it’s going to blow up in your face. So, for your sake, try to settle this thing as fast as you can. You can’t keep Baekhyun from Sehun forever, and I don’t think you’d want that either.”

Jongin doesn’t object. Jongdae has a point. Keeping this secret will only make things worse because it involves hurt feelings and past betrayals. Jongin knows that Sehun would like to keep what’s past in the past, so Jongin is not sure whether he’d like to meet Baekhyun because seeing Baekhyun might bring back memories that he doesn’t want to remember. 

But at the same time, the reason why Baekhyun is stuck in the past is because he is afraid to move on. He still blames himself and he won’t forgive himself until Sehun has forgiven him. Sehun is a forgiving person, Jongin is sure of that, but that doesn’t mean he’d like his past coming up to his face.

Jongin’s not sure if Sehun appreciates how connected Jongin is to the person in his past when he has seen Jongin as his future.

It is all so confusing, and the more Jongin thinks about it, the more he doesn’t know what to do.

_ What should he do? _


	3. part 3

Sehun fidgets in his seat. He has taken the table by the window, in the corner in the cafe where it’s more secluded so that he could have some privacy. Jongdae gave him a curious look when he entered the cafe and sat here instead of his usual booth with Jongin, but Jongdae didn’t ask further. He simply asked if he needed anything, but Sehun felt,  _ still feels _ , like he’s going to throw up, so he said no.

He checks his watch. He’s five minutes early, so he has to wait for a bit. A part of him wishes that he’s not so punctual. If he’s not, perhaps he won’t be here sweating his ass off and worrying.

And he doesn’t have to wait for long because just a minute later, a deep voice calls, “Sehun?” 

He looks up -- his heart beats faster and his anxiety goes through the roof when he sees the man he’s supposed to meet.

Chanyeol.

////

“How have you been?” Sehun asks, genuinely concerned. 

It has been a while since he talked to Chanyeol. Chanyeol had finally respected Sehun’s wishes and stopped calling and texting him all the time. Sehun had made it clear to him that what’s in the past will stay in the past, and they’re never going to get back together ever again. It hurts him to cut all ties. It hurts him to end their friendship, but Chanyeol didn’t seem to get it when Sehun told him no, so he had to take drastic measures and told Chanyeol that he’s no longer his lover, nor his friend.

Thing was, that could not be further from the truth. 

No matter what, Sehun would always consider himself Chanyeol’s friend. After all, Chanyeol was his best friend before he was his lover. What happened between them sucked, but it did not erase their history. It did not change the fact that Chanyeol was his first love. Chanyeol was his first kiss. Chanyeol was his friend, the one who held him when he cried after coming out to his parents, when he was overjoyed when he got into university, when he cried again out of relief when his parents accepted him for who he is, when he was stressed out with his new life here. No matter what, Chanyeol was there for him when no one was.

He still loves Chanyeol. He will always love Chanyeol. Perhaps not the way he used to be, but Chanyeol was his best friend, and Sehun… Sehun misses his best friend.

What he did to Chanyeol was, as Jongin puts it,  _ brutal.  _ But Sehun did what he had to do. All he and Chanyeol needed was some time apart. Some time to reflect on themselves and heal. He couldn’t do it if he kept in touch with Chanyeol, and Chanyeol was the same. They loved each other, but they also have hurt each other. 

They needed to reflect on that.

Nowadays, Sehun’s happy. He has Jongin, he is killing it in his classes and clubs, he aces his tests with solid marks which will ensure his scholarship for the next semester -- everything goes so well for him. He didn’t think of Chanyeol until he saw him at the park the other day. 

Chanyeol still looks like the Chanyeol he knew - tall, beautiful, prim - but when they saw each other at the park, Sehun could see that Chanyeol’s eyes were sad, they’re void of life they once held, and Sehun knew that outwardly, Chanyeol looked okay, but he’s still a mess emotionally.

So he called Chanyeol this morning and asked if he wanted to meet. He wouldn’t blame Chanyeol if Chanyeol said no, but fortunately, he said yes.

“I’m okay.” Chanyeol lies - they both know he’s lying - but Sehun doesn’t comment further.

Sehun nods, “I just - I just wanted to catch up.”

“On what?” Chanyeol replies a tad defensively, “You said you want nothing to do with me anymore.”

Sehun doesn’t blame Chanyeol for feeling hurt. He deserves what Chanyeol said to him. He deserves the hostility.

“I don’t know. I just want to see you.”

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything. He looks at Sehun with nothing but disappointment and hurt. It hurts Sehun when he looks at him like this, but Sehun doesn’t blame him at all. He’s not going to stop Chanyeol if he gets up and leaves right away too because he too, has no idea why he asked Chanyeol to meet him. When he saw Chanyeol at the park, all distraught and sad, Sehun wanted nothing more than to comfort him like he comforted Sehun all those years. He thought of that moment every day, and he acted upon it today.

“I’ve missed you,” Sehun says.

“Don’t say that,” Chanyeol hisses, “You can’t say that.”

“But I do. I know what happened between us was terrible, but you’re still my friend and I-”

“If you really consider me your friend, then why did you leave me like that? Why did you push me away?”

“Chanyeol, you know we needed some time apart-”

“But to say that you no longer want to be my friend? You completely cut me off! You left me alone!”

“I did it because I had to, and  _ you know that _ .” Sehun says sadly, “You’re no longer in love with me, but you held on to me because I was the security that you knew. I needed you to know that it’s always been Baekhyun that you’re in love with. He’s the one you should be with, not me. And you would never realise that if you keep contacting me. You needed to let go of me but you didn’t.” 

Chanyeol shook his head, “It doesn’t change the fact that what you did to me was mean.”

“It was. I won’t deny that,” Sehun says, “But I still stand by what I did. I’m sorry I hurt you, but like I said, you no longer love me. Not the way you used to, and you  _ know  _ that, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol doesn’t deny that. He knows. He’s always known but he didn’t accept it. He’s so scared of losing Sehun that he held onto him in every possible way, ignoring that they’re both unhappy. 

“You and Baekhyun should be toge-”

“Stop saying that,” Chanyeol hisses. Just like he avoided thinking about Sehun these days, he also avoided thinking about Baekhyun, “Baekhyun ended everything the day after you ended things. He dumped me.”

“He  _ what _ ?”

Chanyeol groans. He tries to forget about that because it hurt so badly. In just a day, he lost two people who meant the most to him. He still remembers Baekhyun calling him the next day and ended everything, saying that he could not be with a coward who didn’t trust him, who didn’t feel safe with him. He said that Chanyeol’s history with Sehun seemed so important to Chanyeol, so if he cherished it more than the future he could possibly have with Baekhyun, then Baekhyun wanted out. 

He didn’t deserve it. Chanyeol couldn’t be the man he deserved.

Everything about that conversation hurt so badly that Chanyeol blocked it from his memory. Baekhyun made perfect sense and he sounded so dejected when he said that if Chanyeol truly loved him, if he felt even the slightest bit of compassion towards him, he’d leave him alone.

And Chanyeol did. 

He tried reaching out to Sehun because he needed Sehun, but Sehun pushed him away too. 

Chanyeol did end up facing his worst nightmare after all. He was completely alone, and he couldn’t blame anyone but himself.

“It wouldn’t work out anyway,” Chanyeol says. There’s no truth in that. He knows that it could work out if Chanyeol’s a little braver, a little smarter. But Chanyeol still feeds himself that lie every day because until today, he misses Baekhyun like crazy. He only realises the intensity of his feelings for Baekhyun when Sehun leaves him, when he’s truly free. 

He still loves Baekhyun like crazy, but everything that Baekhyun said hurt him so much that he feels undeserving. He doesn’t deserve to love Baekhyun. He doesn’t deserve to love anyone. 

He still sees Baekhyun around campus. He feels relief coursing through his veins when he sees Baekhyun is doing well. He wishes he could go to Baekhyun and be with him. He wishes he could kiss him again. He wishes he could hold him in his arms again. He wishes he could tell Baekhyun that he loves him so much. He wants to tell Baekhyun that he has never, and will never, feel love as intense as this. He knows that he’s going to love him for the rest of his life.

At nights, he thinks of the last day Baekhyun and him were together. He still remembers how Baekhyun kisses. How Baekhyun holds on to him. He still hears Baekhyun’s giggles in his head. He still remembers how Baekhyun used to look at him. He remembers everything about Baekhyun -- and it’s both a blessing and a curse.

As he sleeps, he wishes he kissed Baekhyun a little deeper that last day. He wishes he held onto him a little longer. If he had known that was their last kiss, he would never let him go.

“I’m sorry.”

Chanyeol shakes his head. He doesn’t want sympathy. He doesn’t deserve it. 

“Chanyeol, just because I ended things with you, it doesn’t mean that I want to see only bad things happening to you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be with someone you love.” Sehun says, “I want the best for you. Please, don’t ever think that I love seeing you in pain because it’s the furthest from the truth.”

“I know.” Chanyeol mutters, still not meeting Sehun’s eyes, “I’m embarrassed, okay? I know why you did what you did, and I understand. I was mad at you, but I reflected on myself, and I’m embarrassed of everything that I’ve done. I was selfish, greedy because I wanted both of you for myself. I wasn’t fair to you and Baekhyun, and now I pay the price of my actions.”

“I don’t hate you, Sehun. I’m no longer mad at you.” Chanyeol says, looking up to meet Sehun’s eyes, “I miss you too, but I don’t know if we can ever go back to the way we were. I don’t even know if you still want to be my friend after all I had done. I don’t know if I can even be the friend you deserve.”

Sehun shakes his head, “Don’t say that. I’ve forgiven you a long time ago, Chanyeol. Now, I just wish you’d forgive me. I miss you so much. I want my friend back.”

Chanyeol chuckles, and Sehun sees him wiping his eyes. Chanyeol feels so overwhelmed. He misses Sehun like crazy too. He needs his friend back because he has been so lonely. When Sehun called him, all he could feel was relief. When they’re here, he remembers the pain that he tried to suppress, but at the same time he longs for his friend back.

Chanyeol wants his friend back too.

Chanyeol pulls himself together, wiping his eyes so that it’s not too obvious that he’s crying. When he talks, his voice cracks and his eyes a little red, “Dude, we’re so cheesy. Why are we like this?”

“Shut up,” Sehun kicks Chanyeol’s feet under the table, laughing despite the emotional situation they’re in, “We’re having a moment and you’re ruining it.”

Chanyeol laughs despite his tears. Sehun knows that it might take a while for them to be the Chanyeol and Sehun they once were, but they need to start somewhere. Sehun refuses to let the friendship he cherishes so much get ruined by young love. His love for Chanyeol runs deeper than what they used to have, and Sehun’s not going to let that go. 

He wants his friend back, and he’s going to keep trying until he gets him back. He just hopes that Chanyeol wants him back and will keep trying too.

It’s definitely awkward at first when they try to catch up with each other’s life. Sehun doesn’t tell Chanyeol about Jongin, and he doesn’t ask anything about Baekhyun either. The topics they talk about are limited, but they try anyway, and when they step out of the cafe after an hour of talking, Sehun pulls Chanyeol into a hug. 

Chanyeol freezes, but once he gets over his shock, he hugs Sehun back.

“I’ll call you, okay?” Sehun says. Chanyeol nods before saying goodbye and go the other way. 

Sehun watches him go. When he turns, he’s surprised to see Jongin standing right there, looking at him in shock. 

Right next to Jongin is the last person he thought he’d see.

_ Baekhyun. _

////

Baekhyun’s palms are sweating. He cannot believe he’s doing this. He cannot believe he let Jongin talk him into this.

“Relax,” Jongin says, placing his hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder and squeezes, “It’s going to be okay.”

They’re standing in front of Sehun’s door. After Jongin and him saw Sehun and Chanyeol at Papa’s Cafe the other day, it’s been really weird between him and Jongin. He knows that Jongin’s pissed at him for trying to run away (he did, literally, when Sehun saw him with Jongin at Papa’s Cafe) but what did Jongin expect, really? Baekhyun spent his entire semester avoiding Sehun and running away from his problems, so did Jongin really expect him to face Sehun and talk to him right away just because they accidentally bumped into him at the cafe?

_ No. _

Baekhyun is still scared. Still terrified at the thought of meeting Sehun. When Jongin and Baekhyun made up, Baekhyun started forgiving himself a bit better, but it all went out the window the moment he saw Sehun with Chanyeol. All emotions came back to him at once. His embarrassment for what he did to Sehun. His longing for Chanyeol. His need to shut everything out so that he could stop feeling so overwhelmed by everything.

It all happened at once, and Baekhyun couldn’t handle it.

Over the next few days, things were tense between him and Jongin. Jongin kept telling him that Sehun wanted to see him, and he kept saying no every single time. It was until Jongin had enough and said that he’s done with Baekhyun putting him in a difficult situation because both him and Sehun meant the world to him and he hated having to tiptoe between the two of them.

Only then Baekhyun saw the inconvenience he had put on Jongin. 

Only then he said yes to meeting Sehun.

Right now, he wishes he hadn’t said yes because the moment Sehun opens the door and looks at him, Baekhyun wants the ground to swallow him whole.

“Come on in,” Sehun steps aside to welcome both of them. Baekhyun sees Jongin holds Sehun’s hand as they’re walking in, and Baekhyun suddenly feels so alone.

They settle in Sehun’s living room. Baekhyun looks awkward in such a lavish place, but he tries to ignore that. Sehun takes a seat across him while Jongin sits beside Baekhyun. He sits close to Baekhyun, as if trying to tell him that he’s not alone, that he’s always had Jongin by his side.

“Baekhyun, I know you don’t want to see me,” Sehun starts, looking at him earnestly, “But Jongin’s told me about how you feel and I feel I need to set the record straight, and I need you to hear this from me.”

Baekhyun gulps.

“I’m not mad at you.” Sehun says, jumping straight to the point, “I know you’re sorry for what you did, and I know you keep punishing yourself because of it. I’m telling you to stop feeling that way because it’s okay.  _ I’m okay. _ I’m happy now,” he looks at Jongin, Jongin returns his smile, “I couldn’t be happier, and I want you to be happy too.”

Baekhyun blinks, “You want me to be happy? B-but I was  _ mean _ . I was selfish, and I didn’t care about your feelings. I only thought of myself. You should hate me.”

This isn’t right. Why isn’t Sehun mad at him? Why is everyone, with the exception of him,  _ calm? _ He fully expects Sehun to scream at him, call him names, maybe throws a punch or two at him because that’s what he deserves.

_ Why is Sehun accepting his apology before he even got to apologize? _

“Baekhyun, if you’re mad at yourself because you think you’ve hurt me, I’m telling you that I’ve forgiven you long time ago. I was a little hurt, but mostly because Chanyeol told me that he wanted to work things out between us, but he didn’t. I don’t blame you for anything. I never did.”

When Baekhyun doesn’t respond to that, Sehun continues, “What I had with Chanyeol was doomed to begin with. I was a wreck, so was Chanyeol. You came and you made him happy. Something that I couldn’t do. I couldn’t be mad at you for that.”

At the mention of Chanyeol’s name, Baekhyun feels like someone has taken a knife and slits the crevices of his heart. He still hasn’t recovered from the heartbreak -- he doesn’t think he ever will. The fact that it’s Sehun who tells him that he made Chanyeol happy makes it worse because even though he’s the one who made Chanyeol happy, Chanyeol still didn’t choose him. 

Chanyeol didn’t love him as much as he loved Chanyeol.

As if sensing Baekhyun’s emotional turmoil because of the mention of Chanyeol’s name, Jongin reaches out and holds Baekhyun’s hand.

“Baek, you need to forgive yourself. What’s done is done. I know that you’re still hurt because of Chanyeol, but I’m telling you now that you deserve better,” Jongin glances at Sehun, who gestures for him to continue, “One day, you’ll find someone who will love you better. Someone who will not hurt you. Until then, you need to live your life, Baek. You need to stop hiding because this is concerning, and this is not you, Baekhyun. Don’t throw away your future just because you’re hurt by your past.”

“I know you tried to do the right thing,” Sehun says, Baekhyun’s eyes back on him, “I know you broke up with Chanyeol because you wanted to do the right thing. You have done so much, you did everything you could to make things right again. And I’m telling you it’s okay. Everything is right again. We’re all okay now, and we want you to be okay too.”

“Both of you are so important to me,” Jongin says softly, still holding Baekhyun’s hand, “I don’t want you two to have this tension because of a mistake that belongs in the past. You two deserve better.”

Baekhyun feels so touched by their words. Little by little, the burden in his chest lightens. Slowly, he feels like he can breathe again.

“I know it’ll take a while for you to accept me, and that’s okay. But you mean the world to Jongin, so I really want to leave our past behind,” Sehun continues, “I don’t want Jongin to keep going back and forth between us.”

Baekhyun nods. He understands where Sehun is coming from. He doesn’t want that for Jongin either. 

So he holds Jongin’s hand, squeezes it as an assurance. It is going to take a while for him to accept Sehun, but he’ll try his best to make things better. Of course things will be awkward between them because what happened was not pleasant, but he’ll try to be better. He promises to be better.

He’s not the type of person who forgives himself easily, but one thing that Sehun gets right is that he needs to start. If not for himself, he should do it for Jongin. 

Jongin shouldn’t be suffering from this. He shouldn’t have to choose between his friend and his love -- and Baekhyun’s not going to make him choose.

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, barely a whisper. “Okay.”

Just then, there’s another knock on the door. Jongin gets up to get it, but he is pulled back to the chair by Baekhyun. Baekhyun looks at him, alarmed, but Jongin lightly pulls his hand away and gets up.

“It’ll be okay,” he mouths, and then he leaves to answer the door, leaving Baekhyun alone with Sehun.

Baekhyun sees Sehun watch Jongin as he goes away. His eyes are filled with admiration and love, and it strikes Baekhyun that whatever this thing is between Sehun and Jongin, it’s real. It’s not just a fling, it’s not something temporary. Baekhyun knows that look in Sehun’s eyes. It’s the same look he sees when people are in love, when Chanyeol looked at him -- it’s the look of love.

“Y’know,” Baekhyun starts, turning Sehun’s focus back on him, “Despite what happened between us, don’t think I would hesitate to kick your ass if you hurt Jongin.”

Sehun smiles, “I wouldn’t expect anything less from that. I’d take what I deserve -- but not that you’d have to worry anyway, I won’t hurt him. I can promise you that.”

“Jongin’s the sweetest, the  _ kindest _ person I’ve ever known. He wouldn’t even hurt a fly. He puts up a strong front, but he has a soft heart, so I’m serious, Sehun. If you hurt him…”

“You’d have my head on a platter, I know.” Sehun says. Baekhyun glares at him, but when Sehun doesn’t budge, he looks away and sighs.

“He’s so happy these days,” Baekhyun states, soft, “I’m happy that you make him happy. I can tell that you mean the world to him. He’s been hurt before, but he has a big heart and still learns to love despite what the world has given him. And he’s so happy these days, so, thank you.” He looks at Sehun, and smiles, “Thank you for making my friend happy.”

“He makes me happy too.” Sehun returns Baekhyun’s smile, “I know we haven’t been dating for so long, but I love him, Baekhyun. And I promise with everything I have, I’ll take good care of him. He deserves someone who gives him the world, and I want to be that person him. And  _ I will. _ ”

Baekhyun feels warm listening to Sehun’s confession, “You really love him, huh?”

“I do.” Sehun replies, his heart soars, and he feels so light and happy, “I’m so in love with him.”

////

The moment the final examination ends, Jongin feels like a huge burden is lifted from his chest. After weeks of cramming and studying and feeling like absolute shit, he finally feels like he can breathe. Semester break is here and he’s free.

Jongin is so ecstatic; his steps are bouncy, his lips break into a huge grin. He knows he probably looks funny to people around him because people are looking at him funny -- but he doesn’t care.  _ He is so happy _ .

He goes to Papa’s Cafe and there he finds Baekhyun, Sehun, and Jongdae at their usual booth. Sehun and Baekhyun seem to be in a heated discussion about something because they’re talking animatedly, both of them looking like they’re trying to prove a point to one another. Meanwhile, Jongdae’s sitting between the two of them, eyes on his phone while he sips his ice tea, ignoring the debate that is happening right in front of him.

Jongin is so glad that Baekhyun and Sehun are on better terms now. It was awkward at first because Baekhyun was shy around Sehun, but after some time, he got used to it. It was only a matter of time that those two became close friends too. Before Jongin knew it, Baekhyun no longer needed him to be around him when Sehun’s there. Sometimes they hang out without Jongin, and as they both share the same passion for anime, they easily become good friends. Things get so much easier when they’ve found their common ground.

Jongin feels a strange sense of melancholy as he watches his friends there. Next semester, he won’t have Baekhyun and Jongdae with him anymore. Baekhyun and Jongdae are final year students, so they won’t be here next semester. Jongdae has landed himself a new job at a publishing company while Baekhyun, being the smartass he is, was offered a job in a fashion company in New York. Baekhyun was scared to go to another country on his own, but Jongin pushed him to go because it’s his dream to be a fashion designer -- and he shouldn’t let his fear stop him.

So Baekhyun accepted the offer, and he’s going in two weeks.

As for Jongin and Sehun, their relationship got stronger as time goes by. There isn’t a day when Jongin is not thankful that Sehun is in his life. Sehun makes him so happy, and even until this day, Jongin falls deeper in love with him every single day.

Jongin joins them, and they hang out. They congratulate Jongin for his test and that night, they go out to celebrate and just have fun. Jongin cherishes this moment. He takes pictures and videos, drinks, dances, and just…  _ live life. _

At the end of the night, he goes to Sehun’s apartment. They cuddle on the bed, enjoying each other’s company. Sehun’s spooning him from behind, and Jongin relishes in his warmth, feeling so small and content in Sehun’s arm.

“Things are going to change next semester,” he speaks out his worries, his voice low and weak, “But we’re not going to change, are we?”

Sehun takes his time to answer.

“Things change all the time, Jongin, it’s nothing to be scared of,” he says, and Jongin turns to face him. Sehun smiles at him. His hand reaches out and caresses Jongin’s cheek before he leans in and kisses him. He then says, “But one thing that won’t change is that no matter what, I will always love you.”

Jongin’s breath hitches.

“What? What’s wrong?” Sehun asks upon seeing Jongin’s reaction.

“Y-you said you love me.” 

“Oh,” Sehun blinks, “Yeah, I did.”

Jongin’s heart beats crazily, “Y-you love me? Really?”

Sehun smiles, soft, “I do. I love you, Jongin.”

Jongin’s face breaks into a huge smile and he kisses Sehun deeply. Sehun eyes widen at the sudden kiss, but he immediately melts when Jongin’s lips move against his, kissing him passionately, kissing him like there’s no tomorrow. Sehun loves it when Jongin kisses him like this. It brings a rush of desire down his spine, and it’s only a matter of time when he finds himself wanting more.

He could never have enough of Jongin. He’ll always be hungry for Jongin’s love -- and he doesn’t think that will ever change.

“I’ve been waiting for you to say that,” He heaves a sigh of relief, “I love you too, Sehun. I love you so much.”

Sehun grins as he kisses Jongin back. They proceed to make out, letting their hands wander on each other’s body, and letting the passionate kiss turns into something much, much more.

At the end of it, as they lie on the bed, panting from their previous activity, they find themselves thinking. Jongin scoots into Sehun’s arms, his head on Sehun’s naked chest as he traces the smooth skin there. He looks at Sehun and asks, “You’ll visit me during the semester break, right?”

“Of course I will,” Sehun replies, caressing Jongin’s hair, “And you’ll come visit me too, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And you’ll bring me flowers?”

“I feel like I’m always the one who brings you flowers,” Jongin pouts, “Why don’t you bring me one for a change?”

Sehun thinks, “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll bring you flowers. What kind of flowers do you like?”

“I’ll let you choose,” Jongin smiles and boops Sehun’s nose, “And while you’re at it, bring me chocolates too. Not the extra sweet ones - those are nasty. Bring me Belgian chocolates. Or dark chocolates. Not the white ones - those are Devil’s food.”

Sehun smiles, “Anything else?”

“And bring me  _ you _ .” Jongin grins, “I have no idea how I’m gonna survive weeks without seeing you. Just bring me you, and I’ll be happy.”

“And the flowers and chocolates too - don’t think I’ll forget that!” Jongin quickly adds.

“Anything for you, Jongin,” Sehun says, caressing Jongin’s cheek as he wonders how he’s so lucky that he gets someone so amazing as his boyfriend. He really is the luckiest person in the world.

_ “Anything for you.” _


	4. epilogue

**_Six years later_ **

Chanyeol has not returned to this town ever since he graduated. There were too many painful memories, too many tears shed, too many hearts broken in this town that the moment he was given the opportunity to leave, he took it in a heartbeat. He needed a change of scenery, a fresh outlook on life -- and he got exactly that when he was offered a job in the United States. 

When Chanyeol left this town, he vowed to never come back unless he absolutely had too. Sehun said he was being a tad bit dramatic, and Chanyeol laughed along when he said that, but in reality, although years had gone by and he had made multiple attempts to get over Baekhyun, nothing worked. 

He couldn’t get over Baekhyun because everything in this town reminded him of Baekhyun, of everything they used to be, of everything they  _ could _ be. 

So, when Chanyeol left the town, he really left and never came back.

Until one day when he got a call from Sehun who told him that he had finally stopped being a coward and actually proposed to Jongin. Sehun, who remembered Chanyeol’s promise that he’d come back if something important happens, reminded Chanyeol of his promise and coaxed him to come back to celebrate with them. They’re going to hold an engagement party, and Sehun wanted him to come.

Chanyeol is a man of his words, so he books the first flight ticket home to meet Sehun.

Sehun and Jongin are now living in a posh apartment in the city. Sehun has achieved his dream of becoming a pediatric surgeon whereas Jongin has opened a restaurant with his mother in which he does the management stuff while his mother cooks. All of them are successful people with separate lives now, but they all keep in touch with one another. Jongin, being the big-hearted person he is, offers Chanyeol to stay in their apartment instead of a hotel when he’s in town, but Chanyeol is still a little reserved around Jongin, so he politely declines.

On the day of the engagement party, Chanyeol goes to Sehun and Jongin’s apartment. Jongin opens the door, still in his casual clothes. He looks a little panicked, but he smiles when he sees Chanyeol and invites him in.

“Um,” Chanyeol starts, wondering why Jongin is still not ready when the party is about to start in an hour, “Am I too early or…?” _ Did I get the wrong date? _

Jongin shakes his head as he leads Chanyeol to the living room where Sehun is situated. Sehun is on the call with someone, looking extremely stressed out. 

“No - what do you mean you can’t get her- No, listen to me!” Sehun exclaims, “No- that’s not what want! Are you kidding me?” 

“What’s wrong? What did they say?” Jongin quickly goes to Sehun. Sehun shakes his head as he covers the speaker to talk to Jongin, “They said the fastest they can get here is in an hour.”

“But the party starts in an hour!”

“I know, that’s what I’m trying to tell them but they just won’t-” Sehun doesn’t get to finish his sentence as Jongin snatches his phone from him and starts talking to the person they’re dealing with. Jongin gets out of the living room to continue the call, but as he goes, Chanyeol hears him say  _ “You listen here you son of a bitch-” _

Chanyeol whistles, “That’s… intense.”

“Sorry you had to witness that,” Sehun says, smiling as he goes to give Chanyeol a hug, “Jongin’s been on edge lately. I think the wedding planning stress is already getting to him.”

“But you’ve only been engaged for a week!”

“Wedding planning starts early, especially for him because he has been waiting for this moment all his life,” Sehun says as he sits on the couch, “I mean, I’m stressed out too - and I’ve only helped with this party.”

“Why don’t you just hire a wedding planner?”

“I think we’ll do that after this. We thought we could do it alone because we just wanted a small wedding but even a small wedding is stressful to manage,” Sehun sighs, rubbing his temple, “I never knew that planning a wedding can be  _ this  _ stressful.”

At that, Chanyeol smiles. 

“What? Why’re you smiling?” 

“My Sehun is all grown up. He’s gonna get  _ married _ !” Chanyeol mocks being proud mother and pretends to wipe tears on his cheeks. Sehun laughs and hits him with a pillow.

“Don’t be jackass,” Sehun huffs, but there’s no bite in his tone, “You’re laughing now but when you get married and you have to deal with all of this, I’ll laugh in your face - and you’ll get a taste of your own medicine.”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes, “Please, like that day is going to happen.”

“You cannot tell me that you don’t plan on getting married at all!”

“I don’t!”

“Liar!” Sehun sticks his tongue childishly, “You’ll find someone to be married to and you’ll make me your best man!”

“Why should I? You don’t make me your best man! Imagine how hurt I was when I found out you picked Jongdae!” Chanyeol pretends to be sad, clutching his heart dramatically.

“You live in the United States of America - a completely different country. How can I depend on you to help me with the wedding, hm?”

“Hey! I could’ve helped!”

“Please,” Sehun rolls his eyes, “You’ll only be here for a few days before you’re gone off to the white people country. Seriously, you’re really not considering coming back here? Finding a job here?”

Chanyeol sighs. He’s gone through this a million times before with Sehun. Sehun seems adamant on getting him back in town. He knows that Sehun misses him, wants him to be around because he’s Sehun’s best friend. It must suck not having his best friend around, but Chanyeol’s hands are tied. He has commitments now. It’s not that Chanyeol doesn’t miss this place at all. He does. Being here brings back memories, but he doesn’t see himself staying here permanently. 

This is no longer his home.

“No,” Chanyeol replies softly and sees Sehun visibly deflates, “I’ll go back to the US on Monday, but I promise I’ll be back for your wedding.”

“B-but why…”

“You  _ know  _ why, Sehun.” 

Sehun sighs. Of course he knows why, but it doesn’t mean he supports it. He still thinks that Chanyeol belongs here. He knows that despite Chanyeol telling him over and over again that he’s happy in the US, he’s not actually happy. He’s alone there. He’s always been a very shy person, and he did tell Sehun that sometimes he gets so lonely during the holidays because he’s not close enough with anyone to celebrate the holidays with them.

He still thinks it’s stupid that Chanyeol refuses to come back just because of Baekhyun. Not when Baekhyun himself has moved on with his life and is doing great things and fulfilling his dreams.

“Anyway, speaking of-” Sehun starts, but he doesn’t get to finish his sentence as Jongin barges into the living room, his face so bright, so happy. He looks extremely pleased with himself.

“You got it settled?”

“He’ll be here in ten minutes,” Jongin says gleefully as he returns Sehun’s phone to Sehun, his face wears a smug expression, “Can you open the door for him later? I look gross, and I need to get ready.”

“Wait, how did you get him to come here in ten minutes?” Chanyeol asks, curious because just now the pianist said he couldn’t make it but now he’ll be here in 10? 

“I have my ways,” Jongin replies smugly. Chanyeol has always known that Jongin has a few tricks up his sleeve, but it’s still incredible how he pulls things off sometimes, “Anyway, other guests should be here any minute now too, so I gotta get ready. You’ll attend to them for a bit, okay?” He looks at Sehun, who simply nods and gestures for him to quickly get ready. Chanyeol simply stares at Jongin in amazement.

True to his words, the pianist gets there ten minutes later. After he comes, other guests starts coming too. Chanyeol doesn’t know anyone here - except for a dude named Jongdae whom Sehun introduced to him a few years ago. Chanyeol sat with Jongdae for a while before he had to excuse himself to get more food.

At the food counter, Sehun meets him. 

“Enjoying yourself?” he asks, smiling.

“Yeah,” Chanyeol answers honestly. He might not know these people, but the party’s very well-organized. The food is delicious, the music’s great, the people are friendly enough to accommodate him, and there’s a free flow of champagne going around. Chanyeol is definitely enjoying himself.

“Okay, good,” Sehun replies, he then looks left and right, before moving closer to Chanyeol. Whispering, he says, “Look, I gotta tell you something-”

“Chanyeol!” Jongin calls as he interrupts Sehun and Chanyeol’s conversation, “Could you be a dear and open the door for me? My parents want to meet Sehun and my friend’s at the door right now. Can you go get that?” 

Sehun suddenly looks nervous. Chanyeol is sure that it’s because he’s still a little nervous to meet Jongin’s parents. When he had to meet Jongin’s parents for the first time, he called Chanyeol in the middle of the night, panicking because what if they don’t love him? What if they hate him? What if they decide that he’s not good enough for Jongin? What’s he going to do then?

Chanyeol, who hated being woken up from deep sleep, simply told him to get over it before ending the call. He never got a follow-up from that. He guesses Jongin’s parents ended up loving Sehun because how else would Sehun get to propose to Jongin?

Still, when Jongin pulls Sehun away to meet his parents, Sehun gives Chanyeol a strange look. Chanyeol decides to not think too much into it as he goes to the front door to open the door.

Chanyeol expects another group of people he doesn’t know, so he plasters a big smile on his face so that he doesn’t seem rude or out of place.

“Welco-”

Much to his surprise, it’s not a group of people who are at the door. It’s only one person. 

The person who haunts his dreams every night. The person whom he misses every single day. The person whom he longs for every day without fail. The person who still owns his heart to this day.

_ The love of his life. _

Baekhyun smiles when he sees Chanyeol. His smile is genuine, filled with love and longing. His eyes shine when he sees him, and for the first time since forever, Chanyeol feels alive again.

“Hi, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol smiles.

“Hi, Baekhyun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii! If you made it this far, thank you and I love you. Thank you for giving this story a chance, and thank you for living this story with me. I hope all of you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. This story will always have a special place in my heart because it's the first prompt for this fandom that I've ever written! So, thank you for reading! I'll work harder to write more fics in the future! xx
> 
> [Buy me a coffee?](https://ko-fi.com/silverbyuns)


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